the reversal of self sabotage is a concept, created in about 2004 by me, though not only me and designed by me and my boyfriend at the time.
it started out as a pentacle, a five pointed star, a symbol used by many and in recent history claimed by Witches, who practice a religion called Wicca. They use it for many purposes, in some cases as a meditative tool.
when i designed it, i drew a pentacle on the paper and at each point and in the center i wrote a word that represented what i felt was needed to reverse the tendency to sabotage myself. it was not only for me, others could use it if it resonated but it came to be because i was realizing that i could be my own worst enemy and it was time to take control and change directions entirely.
i left the symbol alone for many years. i broke up with that boyfriend but i stayed in touch with him. he brought it up to me in recent months, saying that when he shares the symbol with some people they really resonate with it, they love it and want one for an altar or somewhere they will see it often.
i began to consider the significance of it once more.
In our society, we are inundated with toxic messages, messages that encourage us to be self hating and to treat others badly as well. These messages can be subtle or they can be very blatant. Many of us have endured relationships that have made us feel less then and worse than words can express, in fact continuing dynamics such as these are very much a part of the self sabotage i understood so clearly when i made the symbol.
The words I include are Truth, Intimacy, Integrity, Trust, Destiny and at the center, Hope.
Hope has to be at the center for if we lose hope, we lose the will to go on and inevitably we sabotage ourselves.
Truth must be present for when we are truthful with ourselves we can subsequently free ourselves from that which hinders us in any capacity but if we lack our own truth, we float directionless and much too vulnerable.
Intimacy is also crucial. It does not need to be romantic or physical intimacy but we must be connected and close to others or we will suffer in isolation. There is a balance to be found between close intimate experiences and down time where we can recharge with just self and spirit or the great mystery.
Integrity is directly connected to Intimacy. We must have integrity in intimate connections and expect it from others. If it is not present, part of the reversal of self sabotage is to steer clear of situations where it is not present. We must protect ourselves. We must model integrity for others. All your actions belong to you. All of their actions belong to them.
Trust is another challenge for many of us. We all get wounded by others, and some of those wounds go very deep. Trusting yourself first and your own intuition is key to reversing patterns of self sabotage.
Destiny is one that I have had trouble with. I see an inherent randomness to life. I have never gravitated toward this idea of personal or collective destiny. But I also see the flow of life develop in patterns that seem to have destined path. This awareness leads to imagining and opening to the possibility of a destiny that will uplift, heal and place you exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
downpour
you wanted to tell someone you love them
to hear the sound to feel the feeling of the words falling from your lips
but you could not comprehend my hips
you wanted to tell someone you miss them you care about them
to hear the sound of the pretty words reverberate off the warmth of another body
and come back to you, yes you want the warmth to come back to you
but the reflection of empty words holds no heat
just like the promises spoken by lips coated with deception and dormant fears hidden by practiced smiles, it took awhile but now I am seeing true colors
irridescant incandescent what's the lesson
you are no less beautiful after you cause pain
and nothing can stop a torrential rain, the downpour of what's in store since after I left you
I have grown accustomed to doing what I always wanted to do
and it's been hours or weeks or minutes I can't remember It must have been November
since that is the month life always hits with the hardest news got me singing the blues
if only I could without forgetting the subtext and what the hell comes next
forgetting parts of self and replacing them with clearly articulated themes and dreams and perfection
is a state of mind or an illusion or an elusive trick played by masters of circumstance they ask you to dance until you want to tell someone you love them to hear the words falling from those notorious lips
to hear the sound to feel the feeling of the words falling from your lips
but you could not comprehend my hips
you wanted to tell someone you miss them you care about them
to hear the sound of the pretty words reverberate off the warmth of another body
and come back to you, yes you want the warmth to come back to you
but the reflection of empty words holds no heat
just like the promises spoken by lips coated with deception and dormant fears hidden by practiced smiles, it took awhile but now I am seeing true colors
irridescant incandescent what's the lesson
you are no less beautiful after you cause pain
and nothing can stop a torrential rain, the downpour of what's in store since after I left you
I have grown accustomed to doing what I always wanted to do
and it's been hours or weeks or minutes I can't remember It must have been November
since that is the month life always hits with the hardest news got me singing the blues
if only I could without forgetting the subtext and what the hell comes next
forgetting parts of self and replacing them with clearly articulated themes and dreams and perfection
is a state of mind or an illusion or an elusive trick played by masters of circumstance they ask you to dance until you want to tell someone you love them to hear the words falling from those notorious lips
Monday, October 14, 2013
what words
what words to choose, to use
when no words seems suitable
when language seems meaningless
and all the old symbols reflect thought patterns
that died so long ago
what modes of expression can be employed
when nothing fits into the
spaces left open for truth and meaning?
instead there are attempts at grasping for translations
old worlds falling away new worlds emerging
they wonder who or what my muse is
but i could not explain that if i wanted to
so i stumble through the days like I know what I am doing
just like all of us
pretending to know
to have mastered something
to have truly loved someone
when no words seems suitable
when language seems meaningless
and all the old symbols reflect thought patterns
that died so long ago
what modes of expression can be employed
when nothing fits into the
spaces left open for truth and meaning?
instead there are attempts at grasping for translations
old worlds falling away new worlds emerging
they wonder who or what my muse is
but i could not explain that if i wanted to
so i stumble through the days like I know what I am doing
just like all of us
pretending to know
to have mastered something
to have truly loved someone
Monday, October 7, 2013
Update and expansion on the Miley vs. Sinead situation- reflecting a much deeper longstanding issue
The two camps of women I mentioned earlier, have sub- groups of course. Really there is a split between two main sets of perception. At the heart of both of each perceptions is the fervent belief that their view and ways of being a woman is what will get the respect of the patriarchy and the respect or at least the attention from men in their lives. It comes down to power, and powerlessness. I will articulate both sides and let everyone decide where they stand.
On the one hand, some women have, since the dawn of humanity, looked to make a profit off of men desiring them, and in many cases actually have sex with them in exchange for money, goods, fame, a promotion and so on. This is considered prostitution, sex work, what have you. In reality, the institution of marriage is based upon a woman as commodity and property, first of her father, then her husband takes over. As women, we have always had to concede power over our lives to the men in our lives and if we did not, historically we were persecuted, marginalized, brutalized and so on. This is historical fact, not a feminist rant. I am setting the stage for where we are now. Currently, most of society feels self righteously scornful of women for this sex work and a majority feel it is fine to degrade women who have in their eyes, degraded themselves. There will always be, however, women who deviate or want to deviate from what is expected from them, no matter what is expected. It might be an expectation of women based in good sense, rationality, protectiveness, but regardless of this, there will be women who want to choose a different path, not caring about the dissaproval they incur.
In the camp where women disapprove of sex work, the belief is that the only way to respect yourself, be taken seriously, be a role model for younger women is to cover up and behave. The word "lady" is thrown around a lot and for a long time we were all expected to grow up to be ladies, now, it seems, it is a throwaway word, synonomous with any female doing anything at all.
Due to the split between the two groups, the divide and conquer strategy comes into play, because as long as women are preoccupied with in fighting and constant criticism of each other, their focus is not on creating change in their own lives that benefit them and in turn, benefit all of humanity. When women are healthy, safe and nurtured, they raise children in more functional ways, and society improves dramatically. When women suffer, suffering increases manyfold for all other members of society. It sounds obvious but it merits being stated.
On the one hand, some women have, since the dawn of humanity, looked to make a profit off of men desiring them, and in many cases actually have sex with them in exchange for money, goods, fame, a promotion and so on. This is considered prostitution, sex work, what have you. In reality, the institution of marriage is based upon a woman as commodity and property, first of her father, then her husband takes over. As women, we have always had to concede power over our lives to the men in our lives and if we did not, historically we were persecuted, marginalized, brutalized and so on. This is historical fact, not a feminist rant. I am setting the stage for where we are now. Currently, most of society feels self righteously scornful of women for this sex work and a majority feel it is fine to degrade women who have in their eyes, degraded themselves. There will always be, however, women who deviate or want to deviate from what is expected from them, no matter what is expected. It might be an expectation of women based in good sense, rationality, protectiveness, but regardless of this, there will be women who want to choose a different path, not caring about the dissaproval they incur.
In the camp where women disapprove of sex work, the belief is that the only way to respect yourself, be taken seriously, be a role model for younger women is to cover up and behave. The word "lady" is thrown around a lot and for a long time we were all expected to grow up to be ladies, now, it seems, it is a throwaway word, synonomous with any female doing anything at all.
Due to the split between the two groups, the divide and conquer strategy comes into play, because as long as women are preoccupied with in fighting and constant criticism of each other, their focus is not on creating change in their own lives that benefit them and in turn, benefit all of humanity. When women are healthy, safe and nurtured, they raise children in more functional ways, and society improves dramatically. When women suffer, suffering increases manyfold for all other members of society. It sounds obvious but it merits being stated.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
How do we define freedom and empowerment? And why can't we be friends?
in response to the Open Letter Sinead Oconner wrote to Miley Cyrus:
I feel called to respond to the exchange between Sinead Occonner and Miley Cyrus. The ugliness started when Miley interpreted Sinead's open letter as a criticism of her personally and she responded by exposing Sinead's struggles as if to discredit her. Let us not forget that this began because Miley said she made her "Wrecking Ball" video to emulate what Sinead had done in her legendary "Nothing compares to u" video. That said, Miley admired a work of Sinead's and from there things went downhill. Miley is clearly happy to use all the attention negative or not, to her advantage, while Sinead now feels attacked and threatened legal action against her.
I see this as a very current example of where we are as women, pitted against each other, within or outside of an industry that is making enormous amounts of money off of our pain, confusion and willingness to be stripped bare in every sense of the phrase. Using words like pimp and prostitute, Sinead invoked feelings of disgust with female sexuality, when it is clear that in Miley's mind, she is liberating herself the only way she feels is best for her right now. All the shock value around drugs and her sex appeal only furthers her cause. She is not taking on an establishment that wants to exploit her, she is in the camp of women who believe she can retain power while giving them what they want, so to speak. And that camp is huge. On the other side are women who get incredibly nasty to those who choose that path and these divisions among women are exactly what keep the patriarchy in place.
All that said, I believe both women are in pain in some way, Miley due to her desensitization from drugs and hunger for fame at any cost, and Sinead due to representing a position that most women do not have the courage to represent, especially in the mysoginistic music industry. Due to their respective pain and their respective paths, they can no longer at this time see how, if they worked together and Sinead was able to mentor Miley, there could potentially be some shifting of these negative patterns and energies. I am curious to see what comes of all of this. I will update soon.
I feel called to respond to the exchange between Sinead Occonner and Miley Cyrus. The ugliness started when Miley interpreted Sinead's open letter as a criticism of her personally and she responded by exposing Sinead's struggles as if to discredit her. Let us not forget that this began because Miley said she made her "Wrecking Ball" video to emulate what Sinead had done in her legendary "Nothing compares to u" video. That said, Miley admired a work of Sinead's and from there things went downhill. Miley is clearly happy to use all the attention negative or not, to her advantage, while Sinead now feels attacked and threatened legal action against her.
I see this as a very current example of where we are as women, pitted against each other, within or outside of an industry that is making enormous amounts of money off of our pain, confusion and willingness to be stripped bare in every sense of the phrase. Using words like pimp and prostitute, Sinead invoked feelings of disgust with female sexuality, when it is clear that in Miley's mind, she is liberating herself the only way she feels is best for her right now. All the shock value around drugs and her sex appeal only furthers her cause. She is not taking on an establishment that wants to exploit her, she is in the camp of women who believe she can retain power while giving them what they want, so to speak. And that camp is huge. On the other side are women who get incredibly nasty to those who choose that path and these divisions among women are exactly what keep the patriarchy in place.
All that said, I believe both women are in pain in some way, Miley due to her desensitization from drugs and hunger for fame at any cost, and Sinead due to representing a position that most women do not have the courage to represent, especially in the mysoginistic music industry. Due to their respective pain and their respective paths, they can no longer at this time see how, if they worked together and Sinead was able to mentor Miley, there could potentially be some shifting of these negative patterns and energies. I am curious to see what comes of all of this. I will update soon.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
from 2010
dreams intangibly tied to you
undeserving and alluring
treasure the moments i seek you
as much as those when I have you
I never seem to have you
oh, strangled feelings and derelict conflict within
this channel tunes everything else out
this focus takes great effort
be willing
to forgive my transgressions
when our eyes meet
will you forget those mistakes
so we sink into uncharted bliss
knowing we are renewed
refreshed by this gazing
lonely hands if you stop haunting me
i will cease to exist
cessation of desire becomes cessation of this existence
as we know it
undeserving and alluring
treasure the moments i seek you
as much as those when I have you
I never seem to have you
oh, strangled feelings and derelict conflict within
this channel tunes everything else out
this focus takes great effort
be willing
to forgive my transgressions
when our eyes meet
will you forget those mistakes
so we sink into uncharted bliss
knowing we are renewed
refreshed by this gazing
lonely hands if you stop haunting me
i will cease to exist
cessation of desire becomes cessation of this existence
as we know it
Monday, September 23, 2013
she keeps moving
desperate for love, she clings to every person who pays her a little attention. she fingers the trigger of self destruction thoughtfully, engaged in so many kinds of existential crisis moments she cannot even track them. nothing can console her at times, at other times nobody can reach the heights of ectasy she reaches. they will tell her this is an illness, and they will drug her, but nothing really changes, she just learns how to hide, how to mask.
once she has learned how to mask, she ventures out into the world new again, facing the people all around with a new sense of purpose. they will not see through her, into her, she will not be transparent. she will have walls, boundaries. this will protect her. she needs protection because all that she has learned has taught her she cannot operate in a way that feels natural to her without putting herself at great risk.
once she has learned how to mask, she ventures out into the world new again, facing the people all around with a new sense of purpose. they will not see through her, into her, she will not be transparent. she will have walls, boundaries. this will protect her. she needs protection because all that she has learned has taught her she cannot operate in a way that feels natural to her without putting herself at great risk.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
dust
i will be dust
i will be rain
i will be the beginning and the end of the
sweetest pain
teaching you gratitude
for lessons learned at the
most horrific times
and if there is no lesson discernible
i will be the comfort that comes to take
the rest of the suffering away
i will be the patience you cultivate
and will grant you relief from
the long stretches of waiting
because without me
you would go so far inward that nobody could reach you
and i will be clarity
so that you have something to cling to that will do you no harm
will only assist you on treacherous paths
that you must walk because you chose them before you even arrived in
a body that you would have possession of only for some 90 years if you are lucky
i will be dust
i will be rain
i will be there to hear you complain
of every ache, every betrayal
i will never fail
i will be rain
i will be the beginning and the end of the
sweetest pain
teaching you gratitude
for lessons learned at the
most horrific times
and if there is no lesson discernible
i will be the comfort that comes to take
the rest of the suffering away
i will be the patience you cultivate
and will grant you relief from
the long stretches of waiting
because without me
you would go so far inward that nobody could reach you
and i will be clarity
so that you have something to cling to that will do you no harm
will only assist you on treacherous paths
that you must walk because you chose them before you even arrived in
a body that you would have possession of only for some 90 years if you are lucky
i will be dust
i will be rain
i will be there to hear you complain
of every ache, every betrayal
i will never fail
just a thought
as an artist, your main job, your only really important job, is to produce your art, get the message across, create the works to be seen and taken in and felt by an audience.
what they do with this new information you have given them, this new window, this new way to see or feel or know, that is not really your concern. All you need to do is get it out of you and across via your medium or mediums. the rest is up to the universe and those participating in the experience.
what they do with this new information you have given them, this new window, this new way to see or feel or know, that is not really your concern. All you need to do is get it out of you and across via your medium or mediums. the rest is up to the universe and those participating in the experience.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
reason to hope
many of us are desperate to find someone who will look past our faults, see our strengths and uplift us. many of us are exhausted by the search, so much so that we have given up. when we have all but given up, a person may appear in your path who stands out, who gives you reason to hope. that person may not be exactly how you thought they might appear but they bring with them an energy and strength of character you had been missing and you did not know how much you had been missing it until they revealed they possessed it.
Friday, September 6, 2013
pieces from before and from now
2013
shadow dusk fragment
i am no longer tethered to you
in that way
that i was
so i feel the energy flow
back to me
release you and i am free
no tears were shed
it was not from you i was truly fed
now i seek wholeness
the kind you would not even recognize
in these eyes
1995
I know you want to love
it is written all over your hopeful grin
your lips have searched out answers on mine
to questions already beginning to form
in your mind
if only i could dissolve the fear to trust
if i could close the distance
and find the answers you seek
we could share power
your eyes will meet mine now
but only with wariness
through a guarded gaze
a poorly designed maze
in your voice,
hesitance, transparently timid
the tone is short, conclusive
lined with regret
i have circled your cages of fear
i felt my way here to you
my eyes decoding yours
they said
i could love again
but not you
and not now
because I know too much, you fear me.
2013
roaming the earth for that one fix
moments that might liberate your consciousness
are locked away from you
silently being revealed in unexpected ways
so you pay attention
a little more
shadow dusk fragment
i am no longer tethered to you
in that way
that i was
so i feel the energy flow
back to me
release you and i am free
no tears were shed
it was not from you i was truly fed
now i seek wholeness
the kind you would not even recognize
in these eyes
1995
I know you want to love
it is written all over your hopeful grin
your lips have searched out answers on mine
to questions already beginning to form
in your mind
if only i could dissolve the fear to trust
if i could close the distance
and find the answers you seek
we could share power
your eyes will meet mine now
but only with wariness
through a guarded gaze
a poorly designed maze
in your voice,
hesitance, transparently timid
the tone is short, conclusive
lined with regret
i have circled your cages of fear
i felt my way here to you
my eyes decoding yours
they said
i could love again
but not you
and not now
because I know too much, you fear me.
2013
roaming the earth for that one fix
moments that might liberate your consciousness
are locked away from you
silently being revealed in unexpected ways
so you pay attention
a little more
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
visiting
she took his hand and led him onto the pier. he wondered what she had on her mind.
look at the water, she said, and he did. look at it as a source and as a resource. look at it for its many uses and also the great beauty it holds.
he felt there was more to this lesson than she initially led on. what do you mean a source and a resource? he asked.
i mean that they come from water, it is their spiritual source and they are mostly made of it and it is used as a resource for their lives and their happiness.
yes. i understand that the water is a useful element. but what about other elements, are they not equally important?
we are from a realm where we need not place value judgement on how the elements are or are not. and you are displaying an ability to do so, in order to conform to the realm you are in. that is good.
i know i must do that if i am to experience more of this place without you. he says, cryptically.
she looks away, knowing what he was implying.
she says, you will know what you need to know when the time comes. we take in the information we need, even when we do not know exactly what we are gathering it for. we are informed by subtlties and nuances. and this awareness makes this existence harder for us than the others who know only this place. if that is all they know, they make all choices that come from only knowing the more obvious reality. it is not the same for us.
he says, i am aware of all of that. i still think i will be spending time here beyond this visit. i am so curious about how it works, how they function amidst all that they have set into motion around them. the games, puzzles, mazes, it is fascinating really. and i want to create a place here that could simulate the other realm but i would not attempt that until i gave it some serious thought. there are always consequences here some are unforeseeable and that is daunting.
He takes a long deep breath and brings light into his gaze the way only he can. she blinks at the glaring beams of light he is projecting. she knows this is how he likes to make points
she: when i tell you my own experiences in this realm you seem to have trouble just hearing them. they are not meant to put you on the defensive. i just mean to prepare you for some of the difficulties you may face when attempting to integrate.
he: i know what i am getting into. i have been studying this realm and the ascended masters that made such an impression on them. what i wonder is why they have given so many names to manifestations of one spirit. and then in doing so, they forget it is really all one spirit source.
she: to acknowledge that for some would be painful because they are attached to forms and cannot comprehend essence.
they do this to protect their minds from having to concieve of the enormity of an essence that they cannot sense in a complete way. they cannot use their senses to fully know it. they exist in fragmented duality and that is the only way they stay in the form they are in. which is why more suffering exists in their realm than almost any other.
him: they can be rather self important. i notice it when i have blended in and they are interacting in ways that are normal to them. their ways indicate being comfortable with violence. they take themselves and their lives seriously but not the damage they do. will they learn to switch at any point?
she: it is not up to us to determine whether or not they will choose a course more suited to their evolution or enlightenment or whether they will continue toward self destruction. this is up to them. some are blind and unconscious their whole lives and others take many actions to awaken themselves and others.
him: they see their silly little lives as stories that have meaning. they lack a sense of their own futility and banality.
She: we are drawn to study them because we have similarities.
they end up making very different choices. they make those choices because there is nothing else they knew about inside or outside them that would guide them differently. if you were born as they were, you would understand. they are inside prisons of their own design, until some tiny spark ignites them to help them realize there is a better path.
him: until that spark ignites, how do you lead them? what do you do when you see them going so far astray it is hard to believe they could get that far gone?
her: you will know when the time comes what tools to use and how to use them. you will know because of your extenstive studies. they wish they did not have such needs or vulnerabilities. but they cannot escape them.
look at the water, she said, and he did. look at it as a source and as a resource. look at it for its many uses and also the great beauty it holds.
he felt there was more to this lesson than she initially led on. what do you mean a source and a resource? he asked.
i mean that they come from water, it is their spiritual source and they are mostly made of it and it is used as a resource for their lives and their happiness.
yes. i understand that the water is a useful element. but what about other elements, are they not equally important?
we are from a realm where we need not place value judgement on how the elements are or are not. and you are displaying an ability to do so, in order to conform to the realm you are in. that is good.
i know i must do that if i am to experience more of this place without you. he says, cryptically.
she looks away, knowing what he was implying.
she says, you will know what you need to know when the time comes. we take in the information we need, even when we do not know exactly what we are gathering it for. we are informed by subtlties and nuances. and this awareness makes this existence harder for us than the others who know only this place. if that is all they know, they make all choices that come from only knowing the more obvious reality. it is not the same for us.
he says, i am aware of all of that. i still think i will be spending time here beyond this visit. i am so curious about how it works, how they function amidst all that they have set into motion around them. the games, puzzles, mazes, it is fascinating really. and i want to create a place here that could simulate the other realm but i would not attempt that until i gave it some serious thought. there are always consequences here some are unforeseeable and that is daunting.
He takes a long deep breath and brings light into his gaze the way only he can. she blinks at the glaring beams of light he is projecting. she knows this is how he likes to make points
she: when i tell you my own experiences in this realm you seem to have trouble just hearing them. they are not meant to put you on the defensive. i just mean to prepare you for some of the difficulties you may face when attempting to integrate.
he: i know what i am getting into. i have been studying this realm and the ascended masters that made such an impression on them. what i wonder is why they have given so many names to manifestations of one spirit. and then in doing so, they forget it is really all one spirit source.
she: to acknowledge that for some would be painful because they are attached to forms and cannot comprehend essence.
they do this to protect their minds from having to concieve of the enormity of an essence that they cannot sense in a complete way. they cannot use their senses to fully know it. they exist in fragmented duality and that is the only way they stay in the form they are in. which is why more suffering exists in their realm than almost any other.
him: they can be rather self important. i notice it when i have blended in and they are interacting in ways that are normal to them. their ways indicate being comfortable with violence. they take themselves and their lives seriously but not the damage they do. will they learn to switch at any point?
she: it is not up to us to determine whether or not they will choose a course more suited to their evolution or enlightenment or whether they will continue toward self destruction. this is up to them. some are blind and unconscious their whole lives and others take many actions to awaken themselves and others.
him: they see their silly little lives as stories that have meaning. they lack a sense of their own futility and banality.
She: we are drawn to study them because we have similarities.
they end up making very different choices. they make those choices because there is nothing else they knew about inside or outside them that would guide them differently. if you were born as they were, you would understand. they are inside prisons of their own design, until some tiny spark ignites them to help them realize there is a better path.
him: until that spark ignites, how do you lead them? what do you do when you see them going so far astray it is hard to believe they could get that far gone?
her: you will know when the time comes what tools to use and how to use them. you will know because of your extenstive studies. they wish they did not have such needs or vulnerabilities. but they cannot escape them.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
prayer to share
Great Mystery, Great Spirit, Creator
i pray with gratitude today and ask that you help us unlearn the ways of this dream that keep us isolated and divided, cut off from mercy, grace and help of all kinds. may we learn to find artistic forms and methods that satisfy our need to express our most authentic truths and that point us toward serving the highest good for all sentient beings. thank you for this sacred planet and the sacred elements that make up our physical selves. may we find ways to heal the wounds in us that end up destroying our ability to survive on our planet. may we find clarity on our paths, and kindness in our voices and hearts, each and every day.
Ashe
i pray with gratitude today and ask that you help us unlearn the ways of this dream that keep us isolated and divided, cut off from mercy, grace and help of all kinds. may we learn to find artistic forms and methods that satisfy our need to express our most authentic truths and that point us toward serving the highest good for all sentient beings. thank you for this sacred planet and the sacred elements that make up our physical selves. may we find ways to heal the wounds in us that end up destroying our ability to survive on our planet. may we find clarity on our paths, and kindness in our voices and hearts, each and every day.
Ashe
if you seek it
beyond power, beyond emotion, beyond devotion there is a place of unbridled and often untapped creativity to cultivate and grow with, into and from.
this nameless, undefineable source is accesible to all who seek it. peel back the layers of self to discover a place of innocence unharmed by life's tumultuous, chaotic events and trauma.
i have only begun to explore it and i can see when others are tapping into it.
this is not for some elite few who claim ownership of how to teach about it, grant entry to it. it has been called many things but it defies categorization.
the nature of it is grounded in assisting us in finding meaning along our paths and ways to serve that suit our individual skill sets and ways of being.
Does it require faith to find? Perhaps. Or you may stumble upon it while grasping for something or someone else unrelated. But if you seek it, it will make itself known. It appears differently for each of us, you will know it when you find it, you may know it already.
this nameless, undefineable source is accesible to all who seek it. peel back the layers of self to discover a place of innocence unharmed by life's tumultuous, chaotic events and trauma.
i have only begun to explore it and i can see when others are tapping into it.
this is not for some elite few who claim ownership of how to teach about it, grant entry to it. it has been called many things but it defies categorization.
the nature of it is grounded in assisting us in finding meaning along our paths and ways to serve that suit our individual skill sets and ways of being.
Does it require faith to find? Perhaps. Or you may stumble upon it while grasping for something or someone else unrelated. But if you seek it, it will make itself known. It appears differently for each of us, you will know it when you find it, you may know it already.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
miracle, a short fiction piece
All of a sudden, falling from the sky, was not rain but a profound sense of duty. It fell into the hearts of all who were alive on the planet.
As this call of duty was felt, numerous ills began to evaporate from the atmosphere. People took care of business. There were types of suffering, violence and impoverishment that seemed like staples. They seemed as if they would always be there. Yet, increasingly, miraculously as they answered these calls of duty one by one, they were cleansing their world.
At different points during this process, a person might realize the enormity of what was taking place. It would hit them and tears would stream down their face. The person would fall to the floor, sobbing with relief. The sobs turned into sighs, a smile, and finally a laugh. Soon, the person would be laughing as they had never laughed before. And then, they got back to work. All that they touched began to be rid of impurities. The changes were happening almost effortlessly.
The majority of the people had wished and dreamed for these changes. They had longed for them, they had prayed. Now that it was happening, there was no telling what else would take place.
The people gathered, rejoiced and awaited further instructions.
As this call of duty was felt, numerous ills began to evaporate from the atmosphere. People took care of business. There were types of suffering, violence and impoverishment that seemed like staples. They seemed as if they would always be there. Yet, increasingly, miraculously as they answered these calls of duty one by one, they were cleansing their world.
At different points during this process, a person might realize the enormity of what was taking place. It would hit them and tears would stream down their face. The person would fall to the floor, sobbing with relief. The sobs turned into sighs, a smile, and finally a laugh. Soon, the person would be laughing as they had never laughed before. And then, they got back to work. All that they touched began to be rid of impurities. The changes were happening almost effortlessly.
The majority of the people had wished and dreamed for these changes. They had longed for them, they had prayed. Now that it was happening, there was no telling what else would take place.
The people gathered, rejoiced and awaited further instructions.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
potent potential
one sign of a very high intelligence is the ability to hold contradictory seemingly opposing truths in your mind as true at the same time and maintain your sanity.
it is not crazy to understand that two opposing contradictory true statments can coexist. we must be able to comprehend this coexistence to move forward as a species with the potential for peace. the root word of potential is potent, and that is what lies at the heart of potential, potency, power, fertility, possibility.
it is not crazy to understand that two opposing contradictory true statments can coexist. we must be able to comprehend this coexistence to move forward as a species with the potential for peace. the root word of potential is potent, and that is what lies at the heart of potential, potency, power, fertility, possibility.
Monday, August 5, 2013
do the math
how much of what you are doing is a result of past habitual experience?
how much is due to raw inspiration?
how much is in alignment with your values?
how much of your essential energy is leaking into projects people places that you have no intention of sustaining but end up sustaining anyway?
how many times do you tell yourself you are about to stop, walk away, delete the number?
how much are you willing to surrender to your first instinct?
how much have you compromised and what will undoing that look like?
how much have you undone and what will reconstruction look like?
how much love do you think is available to you if you give up all that hurts you and call forth only that which helps you?
how much love do you think there is?
how much is due to raw inspiration?
how much is in alignment with your values?
how much of your essential energy is leaking into projects people places that you have no intention of sustaining but end up sustaining anyway?
how many times do you tell yourself you are about to stop, walk away, delete the number?
how much are you willing to surrender to your first instinct?
how much have you compromised and what will undoing that look like?
how much have you undone and what will reconstruction look like?
how much love do you think is available to you if you give up all that hurts you and call forth only that which helps you?
how much love do you think there is?
Sunday, August 4, 2013
practice
there are forces working in us
and around us
at all times
subtle energies underly all
participants of this earthly existence
see the ocean
and how tidal forces go from
subtle to undeniable
so quickly
are we not the same?
are we not mostly water?
are we not at the mercy
of tidal forces
within us at any given moment?
and we may choose
to cultivate the antidotal presence
of stillness
in order to be well in the midst of sickness
practice wholeness
in the midst of fragmentation
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
a new voice
dressed as the night sky
just as unlimited
like a mother planet giving birth to a new era
she is asking for a new voice
since the old one will be too familiar
and easily recognized
identity shape shifting
drifting
coming into her own
transitioning zone
just as unlimited
like a mother planet giving birth to a new era
she is asking for a new voice
since the old one will be too familiar
and easily recognized
identity shape shifting
drifting
coming into her own
transitioning zone
Friday, July 26, 2013
we are so much water
you are so much water
and this could go one of several ways
you could flow directly into me
attempting to quench the thirst you have noticed arising in me
you could be subtle mist
surrounding me when i am needing to be cloaked
you could ask me to be still enough long enough
to absorb you and know then, what it is to be merged with you
and I am so much water
this could go one of several ways
i could rush quickly
draining myself of myself until
you had your fill
and i was extinguished, knowing the impermanence of
this body of water
i could fill the space with loud splashing droplets
to drown out any other sounds
make them less important
we are so much water
the force of this element
driving each interaction
promising satisfaction
eliminating distraction
and this could go one of several ways
you could flow directly into me
attempting to quench the thirst you have noticed arising in me
you could be subtle mist
surrounding me when i am needing to be cloaked
you could ask me to be still enough long enough
to absorb you and know then, what it is to be merged with you
and I am so much water
this could go one of several ways
i could rush quickly
draining myself of myself until
you had your fill
and i was extinguished, knowing the impermanence of
this body of water
i could fill the space with loud splashing droplets
to drown out any other sounds
make them less important
we are so much water
the force of this element
driving each interaction
promising satisfaction
eliminating distraction
Monday, July 22, 2013
puzzle
how has the human race
erased the memory of itself from itself
so successfully
so fast
and what would we want to remember if
we could?
but we are not anywhere near really remembering
until
the writers
dreamers
seekers
scientists
visionaries
believers and non believers
get together to compare notes
so a collective
remembering might begin
and a puzzle may start to form
in order to be solved
erased the memory of itself from itself
so successfully
so fast
and what would we want to remember if
we could?
but we are not anywhere near really remembering
until
the writers
dreamers
seekers
scientists
visionaries
believers and non believers
get together to compare notes
so a collective
remembering might begin
and a puzzle may start to form
in order to be solved
Thursday, July 11, 2013
believe in me
i created an echo from my bones, each echo opens a door and each door led to somewhere new and each window had a view and all i knew was what I could do and then the intention from each summer night became golden and the songs i wrote had some of the words from my arsenal but what i wanted to do with them was take them up under my skin so that i was infused with their fierceness and honesty and maybe that is where they lived so that was where i pulled them from and when i pulled them more came falling out like a release from a cloud of passion and there they were falling all over me from inside at the same time and i mention this only to draw attention to the source being many sources but really it is only one source and i am in the midst of it all begging you to believe in me as i stumble down the path less traveled and the path that i always wanted appears before me while you grab a hold of some branches as we pass them and i smile, thinking what would you do without something to hold on to right now and on we go down the path, thinking our thoughts without trying, being who we are with passion, knowing what we know with clarity, feeling what we feel with intensity, bare bones being the place to start, the place we started and the echo is felt and heard across the valley, the echo from my bones
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
driven to light (from around 2001)
pieces of you
are my thoughts
prayers mingle with love
intent guided by spirit
and ocean sized tears
but the pain is fleeting
sadness dissipates
into comprehension of other emotion
into compassion
and pieces of your world stay with me
like moths on the glass against the light,
insects driven to light
always in motion always in flight
striving to make sense of the dense mass of this night
closing in around my heart blocking my sight
life breathes new rhythms
pounding out my soul
and the blues leak from my pores
life drumming a pulse never to be feared
i grab the air drink in the salt smell of ocean
ocean sized tears down my cheeks but i am drunk on laughter
you are always in my psyche
humming a distant melody
are my thoughts
prayers mingle with love
intent guided by spirit
and ocean sized tears
but the pain is fleeting
sadness dissipates
into comprehension of other emotion
into compassion
and pieces of your world stay with me
like moths on the glass against the light,
insects driven to light
always in motion always in flight
striving to make sense of the dense mass of this night
closing in around my heart blocking my sight
life breathes new rhythms
pounding out my soul
and the blues leak from my pores
life drumming a pulse never to be feared
i grab the air drink in the salt smell of ocean
ocean sized tears down my cheeks but i am drunk on laughter
you are always in my psyche
humming a distant melody
Monday, July 8, 2013
center
at the center
I have a witness
she has the head of a bird
body of a tree
both wings and roots and she sees
she does not judge
i get all worked up inside
she catches me and says
"this dream does not define you
you are spirit first and spirit last"
she is the sage
loving impersonally
and fully
understanding nothing exists outside
the supreme nameless Creator
I have a witness
she has the head of a bird
body of a tree
both wings and roots and she sees
she does not judge
i get all worked up inside
she catches me and says
"this dream does not define you
you are spirit first and spirit last"
she is the sage
loving impersonally
and fully
understanding nothing exists outside
the supreme nameless Creator
according to me
1.
the religion of your
precious breath
while you sleep
convinces me
of divinity
2.
I believe in you
Do not take this for granted
I am here for now
3.
Love is energy
Energy is consciousness
Draw me into you
the religion of your
precious breath
while you sleep
convinces me
of divinity
2.
I believe in you
Do not take this for granted
I am here for now
3.
Love is energy
Energy is consciousness
Draw me into you
Monday, July 1, 2013
Rest your heart here
understand the brightness inside yourself that endured during misty foggy strange moments and this brightness may be invited to settle into you, the more you feel it consciously the more it manifests itself, and the potential for getting love from someone is separate from this brightness, this wellness, this wholeness.
with another person you experience a merging and you may compress your insides to fit them into you, the penetrative act of loving, the reciprical act of being loved. and then the flow goes a new direction. from loving to loved, from loved to loving until it overflows, or until it dries up. when i focus on it, i can feel the brightness overtaking and sparkling and moving around in way that leaves less room for anyone to enter and take up space. instead, i witness a new level of this relationship with the great mystery.
some say the only real or important relationship you ever have is the one between yourself and the great mystery. if they say this, they must have their reasons.
knowing and seeing
there are those moments that hit you when you realize that which was defining you no longer serves you in any way and sometimes people show up so clearly in your mind and you think how could you have ever not seen them that way, seen them with that clarity but there they are glistening with the appearance that had eluded you before and wanting to see people clearly is a desperate need at times and at other times you are trying hard not to see them preferring a selective blindness to the pain of knowing and seeing and knowing and seeing are all you can handle sometimes and at other times you will be using all of your senses to sense as much as you can about whoever crosses your path but maybe you want to be numb at some point maybe you want to be separate but u can never be that because all of your needs and desires are tied into other peoples needs and desires and you cannot exist in some independent space without serious consequences to at least your mental health if not physical health and needing people is one of these things that we fight but there is no getting around it no matter what you do no matter what you think no matter what you say and that is the reality until you leave this world
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I want to see your voice.
(developing identity within and without mainstream culture)
love is the one true identity
maybe there is only one kind of love
with different kinds of light thrown on it
nothing can alter the content, only the appearance
inevitable.
shattering the mold they made for you
you take your time
getting back into your own skin
finding new ways to fit in
and then breaking out of those strange self inflicted molds
that seem to become inevitable
when navigating human society
what feels like a prison to you is second nature to the next person
what looks like a prism to you creates fear in the next person
swimming in a mainstream current
looking for an alternative tributary
that will send you into rivers and lakes that purify and cleanse
water sources that do not contain the kind of toxins so pervasive
you can no longer see or feel what they are doing to you
or acknowledge them for the poison they truly are
"Sacred Spaces?"
There are ongoing stages of development in this human journey each of us has undertaken. One stage typically leads to another but often, the stages are overlapping. We have complex experiences that result in our identification with a particular set of stories.
When I was a child, my family celebrated Summer Solstice and Winter Solstice on the beach in San Francisco. These events were called rituals, and the people leading them claimed to create "sacred space." This concept was one I carried with me for much of childhood, adolescence and into adulthood. Over time, I learned that creating sacred space was something that people did to change how they felt within the mundane world. Supposedly this was an act of magic, and the magical protection this created was potentially powerful and was believed by some to work against forces that harm and in favor of forces that help us.
As soon as I gave it some thought, which did not happen until adulthood, I realized I did not believe in this supposed magic that people were working with, although I really wanted to. I wanted to believe that sacred space is different from any other space and that when people call on deities, they really do come through. Yet nothing in my life would support that claim. In fact, to this day, protection magic has seemed to be the weakest I know of. Unless, I still do not understand how it works and I am doing it all wrong. That is possible.
All this to say, the act of creating sacred space and the fact that I know how to go through the motions to do it remains a huge part of who I am, what I know and how I move throught the world. This sort of exposure to ritual shapes the worldview of the person that was exposed. I struggle with the urge to offer it as a service.
The service would be the act of teaching people how to create sacred space for themselves to perform rituals for healing, childbirth, rites of passage or any other purpose you can think of. So it is interwoven into my identity within the mainstream culture I live in and yet the part of me that still questions the validity and legitimacy of this sort of religious action is very loud inside, virtually screaming her discontent with the claims that people make about their ritual spaces, safe spaces and sacred spaces. I wonder how they can think that their magical thinking, considered a disorder by some, will really protect them or help them? On the other hand, what else can we do? We must attempt to break up the monotony of our days and lives with a sense that we can affect the world and we are not simply being effected by the world. Does it not go both ways and if so, can our intentions create more than just wishful thinking in our atmosphere?
Crisis of Faith; Crisis of Identity
It may seem to some to be an exagerration, an overly dramatic characterization to call this state of mind a Crisis. It all depends on how you define the term. In my mind, the absence of knowing, the huge question mark looming over every day, every moment, can feel like a crisis. It can feel
un-ending, and when there is no end in sight to a certain phase, this can cause anxiety.
People identify by their faith, it connects them to their culture, it adheres them to a familiar origin. When I was a teenager, I was in a Math class and got into a conversation with another student who said she was Muslim and she was asking me what I believe, and what I practice. I told her as well as I could about the four elements we consider sacred, the Four Directions and I might have mentioned the Goddess, which did not sit well. By the end of the conversation, she was so frustrated she was almost yelling at me. "But where is the God? You do not believe in God? Why is there no God? You don't believe in anything." This was the essence of what she said to me. We were not even 18 yet, but had learned that divisions occur quickly when it comes to what you claim to believe and identities are built upon these divisions. It is as if separating yourself from those who see it differently helps you design your own superiority for seeing it the way you do.
ugly duckling syndrome
she never thought she was pretty enough. she did not feel smart enough, she was never Enough.
no matter what image she projected to the world, she was always feeling less-than.
this is a common problem for a vast number of women and girls. it transcends, race, class, education level, and so on. it transcends all the categories that usually separate people. it is a problem of epidemic proportions.
the low self esteem/ugly duckling dilemma continues to show up in adult life too. and it affects the dating scene, in a number of ways. if a woman has not deeply and thoroughly begun to believe in her own self worth and done the work of deciding how she deserves to be treated, which of course, connects to how she treats others and herself, she is often stuck in patterns of miserable dynamics lacking reciprocity. confidence is sexy, and on some level, her date can feel she lacks confidence. so, even if she has tangible outer beauty, the deeper knowing does not shine through, because it is not there.
yes, much of this can apply to men, but for the purpose of this piece, i am focusing on women.
most social scenes are full of snap judgements and harsh opinions. when the situation deals with someone who has not healed a great deal of their own wounds and are exhibiting behavior that reflects this, more often than not, they are met with condemnation and criticism rather than compassion. i state this observation to draw attention to the social circles and dating scenes that we could have, we could manifest, that are possible, but would require a big shift from what we are all used to.
i mentioned to a friend recently that i left a certain social circle once it became clear that the two acceptable emotional states when everyone got together were "neutral" or "happy" and variations of these two states. clearly, the human emotional spectrum is much more diverse and in order to be engaged with friends in sincere ways, it is critical to have room for more than those options. when it comes to how women exhibit behaviors that indicate they feel unworthy or love, attention, affection, sex, honesty, integrity and so on, instead of being harsh on them, we could approach these matters in much more considerate ways.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lose the Comparison, Lose the Competition, Gain the benefit of Seeing Artists Clearly
here is the concept:
it is never necessary to compare yourself or your work to anyone else. doing so defeats the purpose of allowing for your own self expression.
the pain that comes from those comparisons is not worth whatever benefits you might think you get from comparing yourself. in order to get our work out there into the world, as artists, we need on some level, to feel it will be recieved by an audience who can see us relatively clearly. when there are constant comparisons going on, it is difficult to take in the full message of one piece by one artist, and the airwaves are full of static, people analyzing and juxtaposing one artist next to another.
visioning:
unless we can find a way to compare works of art and self expression that does not pit people against each other in counter productive competition, we need to lose the competitive comparison we are so used to and at the same time, so sick of.
the competitive urges that arise in us are natural, they are part of our genetic makeup. it serves an evolutionary purpose to compete with others for resources in order to secure your lineage a survival path. but when it comes to the arts, such competition hinders true creative expression. instead we are focused on what the person has created not because we want to understand them but because we wonder if we or another artist can do better than what they have done, which gets in the way of fully hearing, witnessing, listening, understanding and digesting that which may have been a labor of love from that artist or group. when it comes to competing as a natural urge, the healthier, happier option is to compete with yourself, artistically. You can challenge yourself to create even more satisfying work as you grow and learn from mistakes and overcome challenges along the way. This competition of self against self will only push you further so that the work of others which might seem overwhelmingly different and overwhelmingly better will not be an issue. It is theirs and what you do is yours. Making that distinction will serve you well.
love is the one true identity
maybe there is only one kind of love
with different kinds of light thrown on it
nothing can alter the content, only the appearance
inevitable.
shattering the mold they made for you
you take your time
getting back into your own skin
finding new ways to fit in
and then breaking out of those strange self inflicted molds
that seem to become inevitable
when navigating human society
what feels like a prison to you is second nature to the next person
what looks like a prism to you creates fear in the next person
swimming in a mainstream current
looking for an alternative tributary
that will send you into rivers and lakes that purify and cleanse
water sources that do not contain the kind of toxins so pervasive
you can no longer see or feel what they are doing to you
or acknowledge them for the poison they truly are
"Sacred Spaces?"
There are ongoing stages of development in this human journey each of us has undertaken. One stage typically leads to another but often, the stages are overlapping. We have complex experiences that result in our identification with a particular set of stories.
When I was a child, my family celebrated Summer Solstice and Winter Solstice on the beach in San Francisco. These events were called rituals, and the people leading them claimed to create "sacred space." This concept was one I carried with me for much of childhood, adolescence and into adulthood. Over time, I learned that creating sacred space was something that people did to change how they felt within the mundane world. Supposedly this was an act of magic, and the magical protection this created was potentially powerful and was believed by some to work against forces that harm and in favor of forces that help us.
As soon as I gave it some thought, which did not happen until adulthood, I realized I did not believe in this supposed magic that people were working with, although I really wanted to. I wanted to believe that sacred space is different from any other space and that when people call on deities, they really do come through. Yet nothing in my life would support that claim. In fact, to this day, protection magic has seemed to be the weakest I know of. Unless, I still do not understand how it works and I am doing it all wrong. That is possible.
All this to say, the act of creating sacred space and the fact that I know how to go through the motions to do it remains a huge part of who I am, what I know and how I move throught the world. This sort of exposure to ritual shapes the worldview of the person that was exposed. I struggle with the urge to offer it as a service.
The service would be the act of teaching people how to create sacred space for themselves to perform rituals for healing, childbirth, rites of passage or any other purpose you can think of. So it is interwoven into my identity within the mainstream culture I live in and yet the part of me that still questions the validity and legitimacy of this sort of religious action is very loud inside, virtually screaming her discontent with the claims that people make about their ritual spaces, safe spaces and sacred spaces. I wonder how they can think that their magical thinking, considered a disorder by some, will really protect them or help them? On the other hand, what else can we do? We must attempt to break up the monotony of our days and lives with a sense that we can affect the world and we are not simply being effected by the world. Does it not go both ways and if so, can our intentions create more than just wishful thinking in our atmosphere?
Crisis of Faith; Crisis of Identity
It may seem to some to be an exagerration, an overly dramatic characterization to call this state of mind a Crisis. It all depends on how you define the term. In my mind, the absence of knowing, the huge question mark looming over every day, every moment, can feel like a crisis. It can feel
un-ending, and when there is no end in sight to a certain phase, this can cause anxiety.
People identify by their faith, it connects them to their culture, it adheres them to a familiar origin. When I was a teenager, I was in a Math class and got into a conversation with another student who said she was Muslim and she was asking me what I believe, and what I practice. I told her as well as I could about the four elements we consider sacred, the Four Directions and I might have mentioned the Goddess, which did not sit well. By the end of the conversation, she was so frustrated she was almost yelling at me. "But where is the God? You do not believe in God? Why is there no God? You don't believe in anything." This was the essence of what she said to me. We were not even 18 yet, but had learned that divisions occur quickly when it comes to what you claim to believe and identities are built upon these divisions. It is as if separating yourself from those who see it differently helps you design your own superiority for seeing it the way you do.
ugly duckling syndrome
she never thought she was pretty enough. she did not feel smart enough, she was never Enough.
no matter what image she projected to the world, she was always feeling less-than.
this is a common problem for a vast number of women and girls. it transcends, race, class, education level, and so on. it transcends all the categories that usually separate people. it is a problem of epidemic proportions.
the low self esteem/ugly duckling dilemma continues to show up in adult life too. and it affects the dating scene, in a number of ways. if a woman has not deeply and thoroughly begun to believe in her own self worth and done the work of deciding how she deserves to be treated, which of course, connects to how she treats others and herself, she is often stuck in patterns of miserable dynamics lacking reciprocity. confidence is sexy, and on some level, her date can feel she lacks confidence. so, even if she has tangible outer beauty, the deeper knowing does not shine through, because it is not there.
yes, much of this can apply to men, but for the purpose of this piece, i am focusing on women.
most social scenes are full of snap judgements and harsh opinions. when the situation deals with someone who has not healed a great deal of their own wounds and are exhibiting behavior that reflects this, more often than not, they are met with condemnation and criticism rather than compassion. i state this observation to draw attention to the social circles and dating scenes that we could have, we could manifest, that are possible, but would require a big shift from what we are all used to.
i mentioned to a friend recently that i left a certain social circle once it became clear that the two acceptable emotional states when everyone got together were "neutral" or "happy" and variations of these two states. clearly, the human emotional spectrum is much more diverse and in order to be engaged with friends in sincere ways, it is critical to have room for more than those options. when it comes to how women exhibit behaviors that indicate they feel unworthy or love, attention, affection, sex, honesty, integrity and so on, instead of being harsh on them, we could approach these matters in much more considerate ways.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lose the Comparison, Lose the Competition, Gain the benefit of Seeing Artists Clearly
here is the concept:
it is never necessary to compare yourself or your work to anyone else. doing so defeats the purpose of allowing for your own self expression.
the pain that comes from those comparisons is not worth whatever benefits you might think you get from comparing yourself. in order to get our work out there into the world, as artists, we need on some level, to feel it will be recieved by an audience who can see us relatively clearly. when there are constant comparisons going on, it is difficult to take in the full message of one piece by one artist, and the airwaves are full of static, people analyzing and juxtaposing one artist next to another.
visioning:
unless we can find a way to compare works of art and self expression that does not pit people against each other in counter productive competition, we need to lose the competitive comparison we are so used to and at the same time, so sick of.
the competitive urges that arise in us are natural, they are part of our genetic makeup. it serves an evolutionary purpose to compete with others for resources in order to secure your lineage a survival path. but when it comes to the arts, such competition hinders true creative expression. instead we are focused on what the person has created not because we want to understand them but because we wonder if we or another artist can do better than what they have done, which gets in the way of fully hearing, witnessing, listening, understanding and digesting that which may have been a labor of love from that artist or group. when it comes to competing as a natural urge, the healthier, happier option is to compete with yourself, artistically. You can challenge yourself to create even more satisfying work as you grow and learn from mistakes and overcome challenges along the way. This competition of self against self will only push you further so that the work of others which might seem overwhelmingly different and overwhelmingly better will not be an issue. It is theirs and what you do is yours. Making that distinction will serve you well.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
known quantity
there is intellectual satisfaction in
getting the right label, the right name or title
for any given person or situation
but the limitations created by that act
are tangible
and yet without the category
we float aimlessly with no landing gear
nowhere to land.
getting the right label, the right name or title
for any given person or situation
but the limitations created by that act
are tangible
and yet without the category
we float aimlessly with no landing gear
nowhere to land.
Friday, May 24, 2013
letter to his spirit
what words can convey this energy of wishing
this pure desire for merging
this wanting so much
for a new way to be in that intimate space
what words can convey these messages
how i am equal parts cynic and romantic
who can appreciate the heights and depths to which i would gladly go
for a reciprocity of the utmost sincerity
yes there is impatient poetry
pressed between my lips
insisting i let it out of the cage of my heart
yes there is desire beaming from my eyes
like undeniable light every time i see you
what am i guilty of if not letting that light spill
a little too carelessly?
this pure desire for merging
this wanting so much
for a new way to be in that intimate space
what words can convey these messages
how i am equal parts cynic and romantic
who can appreciate the heights and depths to which i would gladly go
for a reciprocity of the utmost sincerity
yes there is impatient poetry
pressed between my lips
insisting i let it out of the cage of my heart
yes there is desire beaming from my eyes
like undeniable light every time i see you
what am i guilty of if not letting that light spill
a little too carelessly?
Thursday, May 23, 2013
unfolding
the universe is so forgiving
that ocean water was made to taste like tears
just to remind us
we are that vast
we are that deep
we are that diverse
the universe is so forgiving
that each day you can wipe your face
on the sunlight
and lift your fears to the stars
when people let you down
you have a rope to forgiveness and it reaches for you
as you reach for it
what all in that pain
is beautiful if not the very fact and essence
of you unfolding
creates waves in salt water
knowing a presence of mind
can grow into unforeseen colors
when night falls
that ocean water was made to taste like tears
just to remind us
we are that vast
we are that deep
we are that diverse
the universe is so forgiving
that each day you can wipe your face
on the sunlight
and lift your fears to the stars
when people let you down
you have a rope to forgiveness and it reaches for you
as you reach for it
what all in that pain
is beautiful if not the very fact and essence
of you unfolding
creates waves in salt water
knowing a presence of mind
can grow into unforeseen colors
when night falls
Monday, May 20, 2013
get clear
the truth i need to tell
is the beginning of an unwinding spell
the spell that has been cast on the past
unlocking this will release the hold the self created demons have
I am the one who will light my own way
people move in and out of my life like so many starry nights
focus narrows and truth spills like light from a hole in the wall
not knowing which way to point
pointing everywhere
tables filled with dust
and conclusive rust
cobwebs gather i would rather
get clear
in the first place
is the beginning of an unwinding spell
the spell that has been cast on the past
unlocking this will release the hold the self created demons have
I am the one who will light my own way
people move in and out of my life like so many starry nights
focus narrows and truth spills like light from a hole in the wall
not knowing which way to point
pointing everywhere
tables filled with dust
and conclusive rust
cobwebs gather i would rather
get clear
in the first place
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
wings
the feathers are sullen until they are golden
they have some rhyme
they have some reason
they even have a season
spring summer winter fall
wings with feathers from ancient eras
these ancestors blessed you with them out of gratitude to you
for carrying the torch
do you carry their torch?
do you take the wings and insert them into your back
and trailblaze them down your arms and prepare for lift off?
can you see the earth from that view?
these ancestors lent you their DNA
so you may choose
when and how
to use
your wings
they have some rhyme
they have some reason
they even have a season
spring summer winter fall
wings with feathers from ancient eras
these ancestors blessed you with them out of gratitude to you
for carrying the torch
do you carry their torch?
do you take the wings and insert them into your back
and trailblaze them down your arms and prepare for lift off?
can you see the earth from that view?
these ancestors lent you their DNA
so you may choose
when and how
to use
your wings
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
liberation
liberation is my hands full of answered prayers
liberation is overcoming and embracing fear simultaneously
liberation is your dreams hitting up against mine and taking flight
liberation is a pair of wings designed by those of your ancestors
who were outraged by the same injustices you are
liberation is killing them with kindness
liberation is making peace with the concrete as well as the soil
liberation is speaking out against that which makes your blood boil
libearation is found in the depths of sincerity and brings forth clarity
liberation is possible
liberation is overcoming and embracing fear simultaneously
liberation is your dreams hitting up against mine and taking flight
liberation is a pair of wings designed by those of your ancestors
who were outraged by the same injustices you are
liberation is killing them with kindness
liberation is making peace with the concrete as well as the soil
liberation is speaking out against that which makes your blood boil
libearation is found in the depths of sincerity and brings forth clarity
liberation is possible
Saturday, April 13, 2013
only the ashes
eruptions of desire hit strongest where all is invisible
where all is invincible
where all is imaginary
where all is invincible
where all is imaginary
when you exist I cease to
when you move I am motionless
fact and fiction all swirled together
when can I die next
into a realm of rebirth that will cycle me in some other deity's favor
and this language poorly coded will have to suffice
it is all I have to wrap around burning images of my love
and why flames? why not water?
if it all turns into poetry eventually anyway
then why not see it starting out as metaphor?
then why not see it starting out as metaphor?
what is it all for
this myth of real
this becoming never became and I am wasting breath
dreaming in so many colors outlasting my sight
wearing nothing but layers upon layers that could soak away
in the presence of real tears
in the presence of real tears
you cannot practice magic while scoffing the possibilities of magical consequence
say some, pointing to an older kind of wisdom than what we are used to these days
say some, pointing to an older kind of wisdom than what we are used to these days
eruptions build inside like a volcano
I will share only the ashes
only the ashes are worthy of sharing because they will be lightest
lava eruption is too heavy and the coded language too secret
too secret even for me.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
looking for answers
most of us are seekers of some kind. few of us would claim to have answers that suffice when it comes to the BIG questions plaguing this existence and some sort of comfort with mystery helps to alleviate the far reaching curiosity we naturally feel. true that some do not care to question beyond what they experience from the comforts of what is in front of them, but for the rest of us, who need to penetrate the mystery, who stare at the sun as well as the moon though we were told not to, we must be free on our searches. freedom they say, does not come freely. we pay for it, we fight for it, however you look at it, it is not something we just have at all times.
the degree to which you resist, is the degree to which you are free...is one philosophy. there are countless philosophies to explore when defining your own freedom and the steps you are willing to take to live free, love free, ask questions and so forth. others say, with more discipline, comes more freedom. if you are allowed to discipline yourself, you will at some point end up with more freedom. this has worked in many cases. the truth is, there is no cut and dry, black and white, one- size- fits- all answer to finding the path that makes most sense and feels most right to you. it comes down to making mistakes in order to eliminate what is not working for you.
when you are looking for answers, you will go to great lengths, if you are like me at all, to find them. this searching will bring you into new communities, and it will take you to representatives of different faiths. it is overly simplistic to say that all answers are within. some answers are within, i would say, is more accurate. others end up being combonations of what you have learned from others and conclusions you draw on your own. i am not laying out common questions just yet in this post, i will address that later. focusing on the search, what are common roadblocks? some folks give up when they are not instantly satisfied by what they hear or what they find. settling on a belief system or set of beliefs can feel stifling or limiting or conversely, it can feel comforting and needed. if you are one who still needs to look, search, dream, question, wonder, discuss, ponder, reflect, explore, then this blog is dedicated to such activities and i hope you find it to be such a place.
to be continued....
the degree to which you resist, is the degree to which you are free...is one philosophy. there are countless philosophies to explore when defining your own freedom and the steps you are willing to take to live free, love free, ask questions and so forth. others say, with more discipline, comes more freedom. if you are allowed to discipline yourself, you will at some point end up with more freedom. this has worked in many cases. the truth is, there is no cut and dry, black and white, one- size- fits- all answer to finding the path that makes most sense and feels most right to you. it comes down to making mistakes in order to eliminate what is not working for you.
when you are looking for answers, you will go to great lengths, if you are like me at all, to find them. this searching will bring you into new communities, and it will take you to representatives of different faiths. it is overly simplistic to say that all answers are within. some answers are within, i would say, is more accurate. others end up being combonations of what you have learned from others and conclusions you draw on your own. i am not laying out common questions just yet in this post, i will address that later. focusing on the search, what are common roadblocks? some folks give up when they are not instantly satisfied by what they hear or what they find. settling on a belief system or set of beliefs can feel stifling or limiting or conversely, it can feel comforting and needed. if you are one who still needs to look, search, dream, question, wonder, discuss, ponder, reflect, explore, then this blog is dedicated to such activities and i hope you find it to be such a place.
to be continued....
Saturday, March 2, 2013
blessings for the season changing ~ winter to spring
may our wishes for better health and abundant good luck manifest into reality as the days get longer
may we spend our minutes, hours and days wisely
may we move with grace and gratitude through our days
may our dreams be filled with beauty
may our creations be nourishing, beautiful, healing, and sustainable
may we suffer as little as possible, grow from the pain and experience great joy
may we spend our minutes, hours and days wisely
may we move with grace and gratitude through our days
may our dreams be filled with beauty
may our creations be nourishing, beautiful, healing, and sustainable
may we suffer as little as possible, grow from the pain and experience great joy
Sunday, February 17, 2013
dream journals
fun fact-- i have never flown in my dreams.
and regarding dreams, last night there was a sting-ray in the water- and then a really small great white shark coming after me and more to do with water- dirty, clean, menacing animals that were not seen at first.
i suggest keeping a dream journal. it helps with whatever process you have going on. i will post dreams on here intermittently - to analyze and keep track.
and regarding dreams, last night there was a sting-ray in the water- and then a really small great white shark coming after me and more to do with water- dirty, clean, menacing animals that were not seen at first.
i suggest keeping a dream journal. it helps with whatever process you have going on. i will post dreams on here intermittently - to analyze and keep track.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Giving up what does not Serve the Highest Good. For you and for All.
this is one of those intentions many are setting, want to set, have set that needs modulation and adjustment as we change as our world changes.
for example, you change your diet, only to learn that there is new information being embraced that implies a differerent choice would be better. You were thinking this made the most sense and are frustrated with the news because it asks more of you and what if it changes again next week?
Tara, as a deity, embodies great compassion, and this balance of non- attachment and also compassion for self and other is a necessary place to reach -- for most of us, if we are to let go of that which does not serve.
i gave the example to draw attention to the overly simplistic nature of setting this intention. if you are at all like me, (and i imagine u might be a bit- if you are reading this) you also struggle with the ultimate agreement or understanding of what serves the highest good. it is a complex picture but it can be seen, and intuited and dreamed of .
i will leave it here for now. feel free to send thoughts on this (or another) topic to : taragreywater33@gmail.com
for example, you change your diet, only to learn that there is new information being embraced that implies a differerent choice would be better. You were thinking this made the most sense and are frustrated with the news because it asks more of you and what if it changes again next week?
Tara, as a deity, embodies great compassion, and this balance of non- attachment and also compassion for self and other is a necessary place to reach -- for most of us, if we are to let go of that which does not serve.
i gave the example to draw attention to the overly simplistic nature of setting this intention. if you are at all like me, (and i imagine u might be a bit- if you are reading this) you also struggle with the ultimate agreement or understanding of what serves the highest good. it is a complex picture but it can be seen, and intuited and dreamed of .
i will leave it here for now. feel free to send thoughts on this (or another) topic to : taragreywater33@gmail.com
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Paper Skin- Part 2
"I woke up today, knowing the answer, without ever having heard the question"
-Sophia Sound
She moved through life as if always on stage. every moment of contact,
connection with other humans were opportunities for dramatic display. Self was woven from a patchwork fabric of all selves floating in
isolation from each other, invisible cords tying all together. This
woman was splendid and horrible, placid and dreamy, wild and tame. Her head was full of shocking dreams. This woman is a chameleon and
understands perfectly the longings in the hearts of men. She knows how
to play lightly. She knows the density and the impossible fragility that is the essence of humanity's contradictions. She
studies without having to look directly at the subject, with a nature of
innate wisdom. Yes, woven from a fabric of all selves floating in
isolation from each other. Her hunger is
constant and can never be satisfied with food. Her hunger caused endless
cravings for moments of high exaltation, cravings for the angel's
tears. It caused her to sigh desperately, unconsoled by that which
placates the average human. Her fingers
drummed the surface of anything in sight. Upon closer inspection, one
might realize she was a being of such depth and intensity that light energy
spilled out of her, as light energy does, into the ocean of strangers
who are always watching, never seeing.
( Morning light spills over her. Stillness and silence are present, her thoughts lead her to this place, behind closed eyes she sees humanity. Her lips whisper these wishes----)
"Pleasant dreams upon all of you. May your vision increase toward happiness. May you see the beauty that is always there. May you witness the fumbling toward love and truth. See the ones who arrive at an absolute. See the ones who need some proof. Life provides all you need, when you are on your knees, you could echo words you heard before or write your own script, one that cannot be flipped"
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Paper Skin
"We are dressed in the paper skin of our ancestor's
gifts. If you must know, I am only here on assignment."
- Sophia Sound
(This is part of the story of Sophia Sound. She had a unique experience. There are aspects of her life that directly relate to the lives of other women all over the world. Unlike most people, she lived fully by her sharpened intuition, her empathic, psychic and many other gifts.)
Sophia Sound was notorious. She knew it, in a way, but never really thought about it. Her touch was famous. Men would pass secret messages recommending her throughout the neighborhoods she lived in. Whole cities knew of her, but somehow, she still had a low profile. She was not a guru, not a prostitute, she defied categories.
She was a mortal being, but her intuitive sight grew so deep that the men she explored with and shared intimacy with knew that they were at the mercy of her choices. If it were up to one of them, she would remain tethered and reigned in. But that was death to her. She must be free. She must be able to fly away at any moment.
Since she defied categories, she had no way to describe what she does. People are drawn to her but cannot put their finger on why. Some try to tell her anyway, using whatever words fall from their lips, not the perfect ones, not the ones that make the most sense. To her, all of this ends up sounding like excessive compliments and pillow talk, she has no way to really understand herself. She knows that their attempts at practically worshiping her were false mirrors, pseudo reflections of her. This seemed ridiculous to her.
It was her energy that soothed, her eyes that promised excitement, or just a simple, calm presence. She offered whatever you needed. That was her way, her service. The reputation she had was well earned. The men she meets are lacking genuine companionship. There is no question that they all come to her due to her deep sincerity, her ability to convey this time after time is legendary. The men are left wondering how one person can be capable of sharing the moments so casually, yet so consistently.
When she is by herself, her memories are rich. She thinks "At any moment, I could die happy, I have experienced more richness than is usually allotted one woman in a lifetime" She tilts her head back to the sky, drinking the clouds, drinking the stars. She exists only in heightened spaces. She exists in brightened spaces. There is nothing this truth, this light erases. Shadow is present in all things. And Light embraces all things. All is one.
(This is part of the story of Sophia Sound. She had a unique experience. There are aspects of her life that directly relate to the lives of other women all over the world. Unlike most people, she lived fully by her sharpened intuition, her empathic, psychic and many other gifts.)
Sophia Sound was notorious. She knew it, in a way, but never really thought about it. Her touch was famous. Men would pass secret messages recommending her throughout the neighborhoods she lived in. Whole cities knew of her, but somehow, she still had a low profile. She was not a guru, not a prostitute, she defied categories.
She was a mortal being, but her intuitive sight grew so deep that the men she explored with and shared intimacy with knew that they were at the mercy of her choices. If it were up to one of them, she would remain tethered and reigned in. But that was death to her. She must be free. She must be able to fly away at any moment.
Since she defied categories, she had no way to describe what she does. People are drawn to her but cannot put their finger on why. Some try to tell her anyway, using whatever words fall from their lips, not the perfect ones, not the ones that make the most sense. To her, all of this ends up sounding like excessive compliments and pillow talk, she has no way to really understand herself. She knows that their attempts at practically worshiping her were false mirrors, pseudo reflections of her. This seemed ridiculous to her.
It was her energy that soothed, her eyes that promised excitement, or just a simple, calm presence. She offered whatever you needed. That was her way, her service. The reputation she had was well earned. The men she meets are lacking genuine companionship. There is no question that they all come to her due to her deep sincerity, her ability to convey this time after time is legendary. The men are left wondering how one person can be capable of sharing the moments so casually, yet so consistently.
When she is by herself, her memories are rich. She thinks "At any moment, I could die happy, I have experienced more richness than is usually allotted one woman in a lifetime" She tilts her head back to the sky, drinking the clouds, drinking the stars. She exists only in heightened spaces. She exists in brightened spaces. There is nothing this truth, this light erases. Shadow is present in all things. And Light embraces all things. All is one.
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