the story of the reversal of self sabotage pentacle

the reversal of self sabotage is a concept, created in about 2004 by me, though not only me and designed by me and my boyfriend at the time.

it started out as a pentacle, a five pointed star, a symbol used by many and in recent history claimed by Witches, who practice a religion called Wicca. They use it for many purposes, in some cases as a meditative tool.

when i designed it, i drew a pentacle on the paper and at each point and in the center i wrote a word that represented what i felt was needed to reverse the tendency to sabotage myself. it was not only for me, others could use it if it resonated but it came to be because i was realizing that i could be my own worst enemy and it was time to take control and change directions entirely.

i left the symbol alone for many years. i broke up with that boyfriend but i stayed in touch with him. he brought it up to me in recent months, saying that when he shares the symbol with some people they really resonate with it, they love it and want one for an altar or somewhere they will see it often.
i began to consider the significance of it once more.

In our society, we are inundated with toxic messages, messages that encourage us to be self hating and to treat others badly as well. These messages can be subtle or they can be very blatant. Many of us have endured relationships that have made us feel less then and worse than words can express, in fact continuing dynamics such as these are very much a part of the self sabotage i understood so clearly when i made the symbol.

The words I include are Truth, Intimacy, Integrity, Trust, Destiny and at the center, Hope.

Hope has to be at the center for if we lose hope, we lose the will to go on and inevitably we sabotage ourselves.

Truth must be present for when we are truthful with ourselves we can subsequently free ourselves from that which hinders us in any capacity but if we lack our own truth, we float directionless and much too vulnerable.

Intimacy is also crucial. It does not need to be romantic or physical intimacy but we must be connected and close to others or we will suffer in isolation. There is a balance to be found between close intimate experiences and down time where we can recharge with just self and spirit or the great mystery.

Integrity is directly connected to Intimacy. We must have integrity in intimate connections and expect it from others. If it is not present, part of the reversal of self sabotage is to steer clear of situations where it is not present. We must protect ourselves. We must model integrity for others. All your actions belong to you. All of their actions belong to them.

Trust is another challenge for many of us. We all get wounded by others, and some of those wounds go very deep. Trusting yourself first and your own intuition is key to reversing patterns of self sabotage.

Destiny is one that I have had trouble with. I see an inherent randomness to life. I have never gravitated toward this idea of personal or collective destiny. But I also see the flow of life develop in patterns that seem to have destined path. This awareness leads to imagining and opening to the possibility of a destiny that will uplift, heal and place you exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there.

downpour

you wanted to tell someone you love them
to hear the sound to feel the feeling of the words falling from your lips
but you could not comprehend my hips
you wanted to tell someone you miss them you care about them
to hear the sound of the pretty words reverberate off the warmth of another body
and come back to you, yes you want the warmth to come back to you
but the reflection of empty words holds no heat
just like the promises spoken by lips coated with deception and dormant fears hidden by practiced smiles, it took awhile but now I am seeing true colors
irridescant incandescent what's the lesson
you are no less beautiful after you cause pain
and nothing can stop a torrential rain, the downpour of what's in store since after I left you
I have grown accustomed to doing what I always wanted to do
and it's been hours or weeks or minutes I can't remember It must have been November
since that is the month life always hits with the hardest news got me singing the blues
if only I could without forgetting the subtext and what the hell comes next
forgetting parts of self and replacing them with clearly articulated themes and dreams and perfection
is a state of mind or an illusion or an elusive trick played by masters of circumstance they ask you to dance until you want to tell someone you love them to hear the words falling from those notorious lips