desperate for love, she clings to every person who pays her a little attention. she fingers the trigger of self destruction thoughtfully, engaged in so many kinds of existential crisis moments she cannot even track them. nothing can console her at times, at other times nobody can reach the heights of ectasy she reaches. they will tell her this is an illness, and they will drug her, but nothing really changes, she just learns how to hide, how to mask.
once she has learned how to mask, she ventures out into the world new again, facing the people all around with a new sense of purpose. they will not see through her, into her, she will not be transparent. she will have walls, boundaries. this will protect her. she needs protection because all that she has learned has taught her she cannot operate in a way that feels natural to her without putting herself at great risk.
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