"need to see, seem to be" from summer 2003

pull me away
show me the whole dream
what I need to see
what I seem to be
set me free and let me rise above it all
float down
layers shedding away
bones to ashes
back into form and consciousness
controlling movement
lose control let go
set me free
what I need to see
what I seem to be
I love you with my whole heart
it was always only you
from the start and you must forgive
my ignorance
my absolute profound nothing to offer
but what is it I seem to be
seeking the question over the answer
I pray, have no idea
nothing is solid
I yearn to harbor these contradictions
until we become old friends
dusty and wrinkled
all the images thoughts emotion
fall away
like walls of paper crumpled

we know how to destroy
but how to rebuild
where is my luminous essence
where is yours?
I love you deeply with all of my heart
my body in passionate full swing
without that broken wing
there is time for all this
time is frozen for us when we discover
luminous essence
and transcend suffering
until we plateau
and then it is ever so
ever so lovely
the struggle is a quickening death
so many ways to struggle, to destroy
but how do we rebuild?
thoughtless, motionless
my hungry body is trembling


I have sat with this longing for long enough
terrible desire like raging fire
at the foot of the mountain
creeping up to devour it
my love
you are this bottomless well
still waters run so very deep
the mountain is so very steep
this rest is not quite like sleep
it never quenches my exhaustion
where are you when I need you
where is my guardian?
gate keeper
eagle spirit
of this dream?

where is my guardian?
this distilled essence of pure hope
the one I could truly trust
and if I crawled inside you
would you keep me safe?

this faith is the way of those who have not forgotten
who have not lost everything.