almost as

love takes it's toll
it is almost as heavy as solitude
I am told

life existence presses its weight against my shoulders
and I am strong enough to carry
the boulders
my struggles wrapped in the private container of my heart
philosophy can only skim
a surface of a mystery
when I saw you I thought
I had known you before
but I have fallen for such strange and useless
feelings before

It never led me anywhere

but back to the start.

I am wary of love and I am wary of you
getting older and possibly wiser
crazy enough to allow
your deceptively familiar fingers
into my swollen pregnant universe
sullen fantasies
lifted by the release and sweetness
I had almost forgotten
I have been denying strong desires
sex is really only sex
not that important
I fall into familiar traps


But the shifting within
is not painful or hollow

I choose to allow in
the beauty