What you have all been waiting for, an Article or Post on Cheating!!

I would like to start by saying this: most of what people have learned about love and relationships are toxic. The rest of it is neutral or good. It comes down to that!

Much of what we, regardless of background or common ways we identify, have seen are highly dysfunctional models of communication, when it comes to sexual and or romantic dynamics.

I will skip all the reasons and statistics and so on that have led us to where we are, because those things are not the most important pieces to have on hand when it comes to improving ourselves and our sexual and romantic lives.

The conditions that led societies to create love dynamics around heterosexual marriage and giving birth to at least one child are no longer with us. The conditions we live in now, actually dictate that we become more conscious and aware of when and why we procreate, not simply because the human population is way to large for and disrespectful of the earth.

As we evolve as humans, and choose to question the social norms and expectations once we reach adulthood, we may have come to our own conclusions. We may have experienced sex as a truly great force or we may find it is greatly lacking when it comes to what we truly want.

We go through phases where we feel pressured, either by our own idea of what we need to do, or by the other person who wants more than you want to give, or by society in general. The pressure from society on men is mostly to be sexual and to sexualize any given situation. The pressure on women to be sexual, ready to have sex and yet maintain a distance or provide a challenge for a man is really just a game handed to us by terrible media and awful expectations that nobody should have to live up to.

All that said, we have to now reckon with the idea of cheating. If you have developed a sexual bond with another human, by sleeping together, of course, there are inevitably the flare ups of possessive feelings that happen, on one side or on both sides. If you slap a label on this generally layered and complicated reality, that does no good at all, in keeping them tethered to you. They will stay or they will go, depending on reasons they may or may not be ready to share, or even due to reasons they have no idea how to explain or express.

Many people are in phases where they are somewhat at the mercy of emotions or even blocked emotions that dictate their actions around sex and the possibility of love. I encourage anyone thinking about these phases or considering what I am truly saying, to ask themselves, is there such a thing as cheating? Is there such a thing as stealing someone away?

The only way this idea of cheating and stealing people would apply is if the person who strays from the sexual or love bond has no idea what or why they are doing, and even if that is the case, which it almost never is, it falls under a category of love and sex as tools for ownership, tools for a trade.

Love and sex are not about ownership. They are not up for grabs. They involve many human tendencies, the tendency to be disconnected from our bodies, or to be fully present, or to be semi present, or to deny and suppress needs and desires that are too scary to put words to.
This is all part of being human, male, female, transgender and so on.

Since we must evolve, or die trying, let us ease up on this antiquated and unhelpful idea of cheating, and ownership. Instead, may we seek ownership over our own abilities and practices that liberate us each and every one, defining this liberation, from me to you, from him to her, and so on, until our sexual and romantic lives shine with the manifesting light of what can be, not what they have been.

In the spirit of Love, Truth and Transparency,

Juliana

AKA Imaya