reading another woman's passages
of alternately beautiful and bruised long memories
peeling back into something fresh and new
what unfolded in me was sharp
pierced by newfound insight
a surprise to realize
how much I fear my body
I am scared of my own body
having hungers raw and dull like an old blade
how young to be so old
and how old to be so afraid
should I have already grown out of or into?
should I be stronger than fear
fearing every bite, the tastes dwindle
lingering like leftover love
because lust will evaporate
fingering the space left between
then and now
later on, he says, an unspecified date
but I wont trust him or his word
men irrelevant yet ever present
so many questions go unheard
irrepressible hunger for touch that nourishes
these cravings always mingle with fears
yet what I have learned throughout the years
about women's bodies
about my own body
crashes through my head out of control
shudders through my aching soul
secretly silently un-teaching the self love
secretly teaching the self hate
It is no secret
but nobody can truly tell what
is on your plate
secretly kneading like bread
that old fear creeps upon you
about how nobody loves fat women
and your flesh is your ultimate enemy
the symbol of your sinful nature
inherent in you as a woman
so you must fight your cravings
cradling desire next to temptation
and I can pinpoint the exact desire
felt in the heart programmed into the lips
of the right men who speak, fuck and kiss
what happiness must be
what happiness is painted to be so it must
or loneliness perhaps is not so bad as they say
a surprise to realize I fear my body
were you surprised too?
-Imaya
"Tired of the flesh
its trembling and yearning
like a hermit
I took refuge in words"
-Cristina Rossi
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