Lifting the clouds

for Flora Kiebert--

If I could whisper into your ear

I would hardly know where to start

I'd say I don't know how or why

but I understand your sadness

I'd ask about your existential crisis moments

so we could compare

I'd thank you for your humor

and the compassion

if only it could have soothed the anxiety

or lessened other symptoms you faced

If I could send whispers to your 

heart and mind

which created a salve that 

could erase that unique suffering

I would do so in an instant

I would wipe away your worries

I would soften all that prematurely 

hardened you

so you could live in a softer, more gentle 

and protected existence

all the shame and mystery around

mental illness would lift

like clouds that have somewhere else to be

I would see all the limitations that shackled you

silently

and use my private powers 

to set you fully free

I can be the solution

“You always were the fat one”

(Dedicated to Julia Miller)

And I leaned into my stunned silence
And I tried on new outfits of shame as
A byproduct of her words
When I heard her say it, I was too young
To realize it came from her own pain
It was a direct inheritance of her shame
How many times had she hated being in her own skin, after the meals she served and the comfort she provided had nourished her kin?
What is it, that turns Mothers and grandmothers against themselves, and then in turn, against their kin? Is it the
Misogyny woven into religions and cultural practices and countless messages from within families and from friends?

Who needs overt enemies when the forces that be have helped us build internal worlds hell bent on self abusing tactics?
Or is it a partly accidental and yet vitriolic fervor that runs rampant through our minds? Whatever the causes, I can be the solution. The power and devotional energy within me can transform not only the stinging left by her words but the pain and shame left behind by countless wounds within my female lineage, stretching back farther than we have records for.

I can embrace my own body, the miracle of its living strengths, the beauty from the combination of ancestral dna patterns which also give me the opportunity to experience human life. I can own the discomfort and insanity of being a woman in this world.

I can love the cells and dna in me that are literally a part of her living on inside me. I can love her unconditionally, in a way she probably never loved herself. I can own and heal the parts of me that have been fragmented but come back together in the space of love.

I can allow all those who really love me to also love her as she lives and becomes healed and whole inside of me. I can honor her in ways she would have never honored herself and in so doing, end unnecessary suffering.

whispers and love notes

It was a super moon. A full moon too, and it is Spring now. The wheel is turning. The seasons are changing.

I took the opportunity looming in front of me to have a ceremony, honoring this change. I included my stepdaughter and we let go of one thing and called in another thing.  That was the content of our ritual.

I called in radical self acceptance. I am sharing this because it connects to a bigger theme running through my life right now.

What I want now, regarding body image and health, is not in the physical world. It will and is starting to reside within me, in my everyday consciousness. I want to be a mirror for others to see exactly what they need to see for them to get the picture of deeply rooted self love.

I think what is important about this is that it is the kind of self love that allows me to fully, clearly and honestly love others in a way that they feel what it is they might be missing, so that they can find it!! and give it to themselves!!

The kind of self love and acceptance I am talking about is not shallow. It is not narcissistic. Far from it. It invokes the kind of higher, deeper love that we imagine God or the Goddess or Creator or Great Spirit etc. has for us. So we invoke this all the time. We invoke it when we are trying on clothes. We invoke when someone we see sparks jealousy in us. We invoke it when we are eating or trying not to eat.

And it does not stop all challenging moments from happening. It simply whispers to us, in critical moments, you are loved, you are wanted, you are worthy you are beautiful you are unconditionally celebrated. It whispers to us: You are a being whose value transcends this physical plane. The mirror cannot even reflect the enormity of your worth, beauty and value. This is always true, no matter what you see now or how you feel about yourself.

The whispers can get louder and you can say them aloud to yourself, when you are comfortable doing so. Or you can just hear them in your mind. You can write them down like little love notes for yourself.

Akashic Record Readings

I received some amazing information during a meditation to explore my own Akashic Record! The way I do it, I ask Spirit to show me in 3 manageable pieces what my Akashic identity has been and is. I do not use it to know anything for certain, just to explore so many possibilities that are swimming around. I find that it is better to let that be more of a mystery.
If this intrigues you, contact me at www.imayasmodalities.com and we can potentially set up a chance to do this kind of reading for you!

Generally, in a reading I will receive information in these 3 areas:

Past Lives on Earth

This current life

Potential aspects of Potential future timelines

Every reading is different, so it is good to keep an open mind about this practice.
It is not an exact science but rather and intuitive way of connecting to Source information and energy.

come near

perched above a celestial ocean of mirrors
she embraces truth
leaving offerings for the next travelers
to this dimension
offerings of crystals
radiating high frequencies
of beauty, love, and the powers of cleansing

she comes home to Spirit
after certain battles have drained her dry
and Spirit fills her with light energy
the waters of the radiant heavens
her soul becomes refreshed
anchored in trust
embedded in the powers of Spirit
across all space and time

at some point she will take off
the heavy warrior mask
but not before she has defeated fear
spirit is whispering
come close
come near

Alpha and Omega

Once again, I’m seeing this faith crossroads. Hearing people force themselves to choose between goddess practices and Jesus. I’m heartbroken because I feel sure you don’t need to choose. The Bible and essentially all holy books of the main religions are an ancient game of telephone gone wrong. You know how people play that game? Send a message around the circle and it’s transformed and lost by the last person. The Bible is this game in book form. So many translations and interpretations. So much fear is pumped into our stories and the programming is poison. Love is the law, the teacher, the alpha and the omega. We get so lost in semantics and old translations, we forget we have direct access to the power and spirit of high frequency love, through our hearts, minds; physical and energy bodies.

Throwback Post from 1996

This is a journal excerpt from 1996, I was 16.

"Now I will try to convert these thoughts into words. Time and events are related obviously. If my childhood ended early that would speed up certain experiences right? Example: A girl is raped at 8 or 9. She learns that sex is not hers, and it is a way to get attention. She goes from boy to boy not ever reclaiming the self which was stolen, sex as a mere tool, a chore and she is almost obsessive about, it is most of her life, all centered around the result from one early experience. Several theories arise from this speculation. What damages us early on shapes and affects us forever. Thus, life will move more slowly, more regulated by natural growth, rather than spurred on by trauma inflicted by certain forces. The patterns all over the face of time and it makes me think. It makes me think I understand why things happen to me when they do and to others. Maybe I overcomplicate it."