planets

lifted up higher than anyone has ever been, she cast her gaze back to the planet from which she came. there was no turning back, there was no going back there was no need to. there would never be a need to, all that she had created there had been destroyed, the only choice was to go, to move on to keep moving and that was what she did now. circling the planets as she took note of all that she saw, she remembered something her mother had said when she was a small child. her mother had said. "the planets consist of all that we are made of, there is nothing in them, that is not in us." as a little girl, she had read so many books about the planets and was fascinated by them always.

she had a deep understanding of astrology and had found some scientific and pseudo scientific reasons to back up the theories about the stars. she wanted to believe that the stars were a part of her destiny but she questioned that and she questioned her destiny and the nature of her place on this planet, though being made up of all the planets.

as she circled her origins she knew she would have to generate enough energy to create a new source but at that moment she was depleted. she could search for help but she was not sure what form that help would come in. it could come in many different forms and she had not been trained to recognize the perfect form she would need to get all the way to the place she wanted to go. she knew her own needs could be complicated but she was not worried about sorting out the complications if she had the right assistance. the right help would make the complications seem less problematic and more anecdotal. she only wished she could remain anecdotal, a side note.

like her friend had said recently, it might be better to just be helpful, and leave being important to people who were less concerned with affecting change. creating the kind of change she wanted to create would be the best way to spend some time. the time that she had was always being stretched by demands that seemed very trivial.

on the first planet she could remember, life had been a very challenging experience and she was sure that she would make a pledge to go back once she had sorted out her affairs on other planets, in order to ensure that she can make things easier for the people of that place. She had so many ideas about how to do that, but very little time to work out what would need to happen for those things to happen.

and once she had a sense of how her plan would be carried out she could apply herself to the task of  the present moment. nobody could tell her what to be, who to be finally, she was going to be able to develop her love for the people and living beings of each and every planet she would visit would be places that she was able to collaborate on projects that allowed her to be responsible for so much of the beauty, they had stars, she would make them shooting stars, they had constellations, she would fashion for them some kinds of beautiful stories that would weave into the constellations, and once they had the new stories that would lead their societies in a way they could only have imagined before, they would then settle into lives that made more sense.

nothing made sense at certain points and at other points all was more than crystal clear. she knew on the one hand that every moment she was living, she was blessed with the gift of life, that all who knew anything knew was incredibly precious and without it, none of existence could manifest, beings could not feel or think, creating  consciousness to be what it was becoming, with a new fresh originality that could not be copied, the acts of worship so deeply joyful and sincere and with out it, she would gain the clarity that was so much more than crystalline in quality. She was aiming to build relationships between forms of consciousness that would keep the lines of communication stronger than they had ever been in any time line, yes, time was not linear, yes, time was not a thing that went from one destination, perceptions from within living beings were deceptive, she knows all of this as much as she knows anything.

she felt at times that she was responsible for lifting people and other beings into alignment with their own integrity and it was she who did this but they credited these deities with names from ancient myths, and she would not interfere because she did not need to be credited for any of the deeds she had done. taking credit for any of them would only pull her further down into the mess that was that one planet, that earth home, that she knew so well and was ready in many ways, to forget, once and for all.

she had been a part of the earth dream for many centuries and had become quite accustomed to an identity that was very much tied to the many properties of that place, but there was always a conscious part of her that knew very well her earth identities and roles were not made of the kind of substance that would endure past a certain point in her evolution. she was grateful, and honored that she had be granted so many free passages, granted so many opportunities to be liberated over and over from stories that would have held her captive in so many ways for so many corrupt reasons. she was humbled by the fact that she had been selected, or maybe that she selected herself to receive the kind of blessings reserved for spirits of very high esteem, maybe deities, maybe angels, she knows they have titles and some sort of hierarchy and perhaps at some point she will be introduced to the ultimate truth of this arrangement, but in the meantime, she had work to do.

her work ranged from the simplest, yet most profound tasks, to the multilayered, complicated ones. she feels compelled to work with those who have been piled under mountains of suffering and as she helps them cleanse and purify and simplify, she gets some benefits from being close to their deep work of transformation. it is always a kind of self transformation, and her assistance is the kind that renders her invisible in the way that people go about the collisions that they cannot really describe

she wishes for the qualities they cannot get out of their minds that poisoned the image they had of her and they would be seeing one version of her that she could not help to manage. that was the way it worked, she found, that people saw a version of her that they could not understand her the way she was wanting to be understood.