Thursday, July 20, 2017
Friday, June 16, 2017
the end of the archives for now
as I see it, I have poured a whole lot of breath into this blog
I have 2 short pieces. one is the piece I first read at Café International. the host was Ramu Aki. he was known for his colorful attire and commanding presence.
De donde eres? ------------
where does the poetry come from
reside originate begin in my body
not necessarily from my head or heart. probably
my fingers or lower back
ancient as blood as rivers of truth
running red and deep through our veins
poetry has a pulse, it is a living breathing entity
which allows me to be a vessel for its power
it is the way the ancestors speak to all of us
so listen carefully for their whispers
their laughter
their warnings
------------------------
Dear Santa Claus,
I have been a good girl this year. It's all relative though, isn't it?
We are not so different you and I. We are jolly and generous.
You are a Sagittarius, maybe? I have a Sagittarius rising.
About my gifts, perhaps a laptop would be the best way to go.
College practically requires I have one.
It has been good working with you. Your attention to this matter is appreciated.
You know where to find me.
Yours truly, Juliana
I have 2 short pieces. one is the piece I first read at Café International. the host was Ramu Aki. he was known for his colorful attire and commanding presence.
De donde eres? ------------
where does the poetry come from
reside originate begin in my body
not necessarily from my head or heart. probably
my fingers or lower back
ancient as blood as rivers of truth
running red and deep through our veins
poetry has a pulse, it is a living breathing entity
which allows me to be a vessel for its power
it is the way the ancestors speak to all of us
so listen carefully for their whispers
their laughter
their warnings
------------------------
Dear Santa Claus,
I have been a good girl this year. It's all relative though, isn't it?
We are not so different you and I. We are jolly and generous.
You are a Sagittarius, maybe? I have a Sagittarius rising.
About my gifts, perhaps a laptop would be the best way to go.
College practically requires I have one.
It has been good working with you. Your attention to this matter is appreciated.
You know where to find me.
Yours truly, Juliana
page 2
Who really needs another analysis of rape culture? I certainly do not want to write one.
Instead, looking at what people are doing to change the whole dream of this planet is the only reasonable choice moving forward. There should be a time and a place to lay out what the problems are, the severity and the intricacy of them.
There also must be a time to look at what is already happening that could change the whole picture.
Staying in a place of rage, dissecting the sickness that got us here, this is not an option for me. I know others who have seen similar situations, felt similar feelings. We move on from the rage because we would self destruct or destroy others if we did not, and that is a fact. Anger teaches us, but rage is a level of anger that consumes our minds and bodies. I learned, I could not stay in that place of pain without at some point causing more.
part 2
weakness versus strength in survivors
we hear "you are so strong" I know this is intended as encouragement and there is a massive shortage of things to say that help. ask the survivor, can I say....? Their mood might swing all around the place.
Make it safe for their moods to do that.
there are endless possibilities that say who we are. too many form beliefs despite a glaring lack of evidence.
many are liminal, stuck in limbo, or bardo, purgatory, you know the story.
end---
Instead, looking at what people are doing to change the whole dream of this planet is the only reasonable choice moving forward. There should be a time and a place to lay out what the problems are, the severity and the intricacy of them.
There also must be a time to look at what is already happening that could change the whole picture.
Staying in a place of rage, dissecting the sickness that got us here, this is not an option for me. I know others who have seen similar situations, felt similar feelings. We move on from the rage because we would self destruct or destroy others if we did not, and that is a fact. Anger teaches us, but rage is a level of anger that consumes our minds and bodies. I learned, I could not stay in that place of pain without at some point causing more.
part 2
weakness versus strength in survivors
we hear "you are so strong" I know this is intended as encouragement and there is a massive shortage of things to say that help. ask the survivor, can I say....? Their mood might swing all around the place.
Make it safe for their moods to do that.
there are endless possibilities that say who we are. too many form beliefs despite a glaring lack of evidence.
many are liminal, stuck in limbo, or bardo, purgatory, you know the story.
end---
Thursday, June 15, 2017
From 2014
There is no true beginning that came from nothing------------
Do I start with the fact that the mistakes of the grown ups around are mostly what led to my introduction to rape culture? I entered into it naïve and unarmed instead of prepared and somewhat aware as others would have been.
Do I start with the stories themselves? I could give example after example of young men who did not fit some stereotypical rapist profile, using my openness, vulnerability, trust and kindness as weapons against me? Does this mean I am foolish and they are born predators? Or does it mean they are so disconnected from how to engage in ethical sexual encounters, that they were not taught or trained to need or even want consent? Let us set the record straight right now, consensual sex is redundant. There is sex, implying consent in its definition and there is rape. A misconception is that it is not rape unless a weapon is present?
My guess is that most of rape victims do not want to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing them succumb so fully to the twisted dysfunction of harming or killing the rapist. Our society is sickly voyeuristic and systematically desensitized from these cases.
End- Page 1.
Do I start with the fact that the mistakes of the grown ups around are mostly what led to my introduction to rape culture? I entered into it naïve and unarmed instead of prepared and somewhat aware as others would have been.
Do I start with the stories themselves? I could give example after example of young men who did not fit some stereotypical rapist profile, using my openness, vulnerability, trust and kindness as weapons against me? Does this mean I am foolish and they are born predators? Or does it mean they are so disconnected from how to engage in ethical sexual encounters, that they were not taught or trained to need or even want consent? Let us set the record straight right now, consensual sex is redundant. There is sex, implying consent in its definition and there is rape. A misconception is that it is not rape unless a weapon is present?
My guess is that most of rape victims do not want to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing them succumb so fully to the twisted dysfunction of harming or killing the rapist. Our society is sickly voyeuristic and systematically desensitized from these cases.
End- Page 1.
an old story
you were so transparent, that was why I thought I loved you.
I could spin endlessly into the depths of what your eyes reflected.
The words you chose and
the touch you could render to mean more than you knew.
All of that was transparent
Maybe it happened so a writer could have a muse
we are such longing creatures, no?
Our longing outlasts other experiences, or so I say, who is to say?
moments fling themselves into thoughts
I am flailing so I do not attach myself to more distraction
when you, your hands on my hips, said "I want to be with you so much"
I just walked away and stilled myself. stop.
you were transparent like nobody else I knew at that time
That was why I thought I loved you
Now I realize the fleeting rush were illusions fed by fantasies
of a love you never even felt
and yes I was shown all this and yes I have nothing to miss
I could spin endlessly into the depths of what your eyes reflected.
The words you chose and
the touch you could render to mean more than you knew.
All of that was transparent
Maybe it happened so a writer could have a muse
we are such longing creatures, no?
Our longing outlasts other experiences, or so I say, who is to say?
moments fling themselves into thoughts
I am flailing so I do not attach myself to more distraction
when you, your hands on my hips, said "I want to be with you so much"
I just walked away and stilled myself. stop.
you were transparent like nobody else I knew at that time
That was why I thought I loved you
Now I realize the fleeting rush were illusions fed by fantasies
of a love you never even felt
and yes I was shown all this and yes I have nothing to miss
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Awakening- One Story
Kundalini Awakening- one story
Many of the encounters with Kundalini I have read have much to do with an energy that rose inside the body, with a fierce intensity, with its own power and left the person with their own puzzle pieces to put back together about the nature of their reality, their life up until the energy surge and what their awakening meant to them.
My experience with Kundalini rising has been quite different from all that I have read. One of the memories I have with the vivid and strong awakening energy began when I started wearing black onyx (the identity of the stone has been changed for personal reasons) around my neck. Since I have been activated by many kinds of energies and at times even spirits that were around me for a period of time, it was not that unheard of to me that this onyx would tap into my energy field to release that which needed to get out.
For the people around me, when my energy field heightens for whatever reason, it can be scary to them. It can seem that I am not me, that they cannot reach me. When these energy surges happen, those fears may be based on some truth but also based in ignorance.
The onyx around my neck activated my throat chakra and I was speaking and saying things that sounded unfamiliar to those who knew me. They wanted to keep me safe, since I seemed so far from my normal personality, one that was palatable and easier to interact with.
The main piece of the story that feels the most significant, for me, was the evening when I found myself in my bed, but still in an altered state. The experience is incredibly hard to describe, but looking back on it, what felt like an old conditioning that I carried in my soul about the construct of god. God, with a strictly male identity had been forced on my ancestors of antiquity and many in more recent times and was pushing itself up and out of me as a poison that needed to be extracted.
The way I spoke, the content I put forth in my speech, all this was clearly about the true divine life force power from the Kundalini legend. This pure life force energy was one of the "voices" of the Great Goddess, the Great Mystery who is all genders, who birthed the masculine and feminine and all other possible constructs of gender in her extensive rainbow light essence.
The power of protection over my soul was shown to me. The ability she has to show you painful, difficult mirrors is quite impressive. The ability she bestows upon some of us, maybe more of us than we think, to erase that narrative, that story and dream of who we have been and who we can become, is an unparalleled power in the scheme of things.
As I lay in bed after several days of this mighty energy moving through me, I closed my eyes. In some ways, that old, poisonous, forced, male construct, which arose in a toxic, patriarchal manner, was being pushed out of my soul, cleansed from me. Though my eyes were closed, I saw, clearly, that many kinds of pain I had felt and had been lodged in me were swimming out of me in colored lights golden, silver, purple and just starlight.
As the pain swam out of me, the power, strength, beauty, love, wisdom, intelligence, discernment and compassion, that are all my birthrights began swimming into to me. I could hardly keep up with the transformations that I was being called to experience and know at that time. Faces of people who had hurt me, their names flowed back to me, because the course of my river flow, my oceanic depth was becoming so strong with Kundalini goddess manifestation, that I was able to absorb and transform within myself, that which seemed to have power over me, now, it held no power.
The experiences I just shared happened in 2012. Within the last 5 years, I have been learning to be more cautious, though still spontaneous, and accurate in my discernment of who to be around and who to stay away from. It has only been recently that I have been able to assess my experiences and put them into a framework that can be read and understood by other people. Until now, or around now, I have been stuck in some sort of liminal space, the space between visible and invisible.
As I become more decidedly visible and seen on purpose, but seen within a framework that I create, I notice what disappears from my view. That which begins to disappear from the view of the person who finds this kind of path, is of a vibrational arrangement that it is heavier with shadow, unexamined pain, distraction, fear and a whole host of other energetic arrangements. Love and light are intentions and goals to manifest within and to bring into the world's energetic maps, but without an integrated shadow, that love and light will be like wisps of fading daylight, into the all encompassing darkness of mystery. This level of love and light intentionality will inevitably fade into the unknown and the ancient types of powers that can be put to sleep, or awakened, depending on the skill level of the beings who wish to manipulate and use them, or extinguish them. When we begin extinguishing the shadow energy that we relied upon, either in this incarnation or another, we essentially give ourselves over to an integrated, holistic, visionary approach to being fully human, and to awakening.
I have been assisting folks in terminating energetic contracts with people, places, situations and more that keep them from fulfilling their purposes. Often they start finding out what those purposes really are and stop sabotaging themselves habitually. In our world, it is not generally an easy or instantly discovered path toward the wholeness we seek, the truth we seek and the answers about our existence we seek. The understanding that stagnation creates illness is the heart of almost all of the ailments we truly suffer from, and it is not a matter of fault or blame.
In our cells, there are stories and there are maps.
When we pause at the intersection of our current DNA knowledge and intuitive practices, we are linking up with possible new answers to problems that plagued our ancestors.
We need new stories. We need them to be breathed into our bloodstreams, and into the blood stream of the conscience, the psyche of our cultures. We need new stories so we do not pass on the psychic pain and oppression that perverted our human experiences and killed the visionaries, dreamers, wisdom teachers and more. We need stories to feed to the babies, and the children, so they grow into the better world that is possible, and so they grow up knowing they have the power to change
the most seemingly impossible parts of themselves.
The new stories will appear in our minds, we need only to get clear and quiet enough to hear them. Many stories will be birthed and manifested into this world. For this, I give continual thanks.
Many of the encounters with Kundalini I have read have much to do with an energy that rose inside the body, with a fierce intensity, with its own power and left the person with their own puzzle pieces to put back together about the nature of their reality, their life up until the energy surge and what their awakening meant to them.
My experience with Kundalini rising has been quite different from all that I have read. One of the memories I have with the vivid and strong awakening energy began when I started wearing black onyx (the identity of the stone has been changed for personal reasons) around my neck. Since I have been activated by many kinds of energies and at times even spirits that were around me for a period of time, it was not that unheard of to me that this onyx would tap into my energy field to release that which needed to get out.
For the people around me, when my energy field heightens for whatever reason, it can be scary to them. It can seem that I am not me, that they cannot reach me. When these energy surges happen, those fears may be based on some truth but also based in ignorance.
The onyx around my neck activated my throat chakra and I was speaking and saying things that sounded unfamiliar to those who knew me. They wanted to keep me safe, since I seemed so far from my normal personality, one that was palatable and easier to interact with.
The main piece of the story that feels the most significant, for me, was the evening when I found myself in my bed, but still in an altered state. The experience is incredibly hard to describe, but looking back on it, what felt like an old conditioning that I carried in my soul about the construct of god. God, with a strictly male identity had been forced on my ancestors of antiquity and many in more recent times and was pushing itself up and out of me as a poison that needed to be extracted.
The way I spoke, the content I put forth in my speech, all this was clearly about the true divine life force power from the Kundalini legend. This pure life force energy was one of the "voices" of the Great Goddess, the Great Mystery who is all genders, who birthed the masculine and feminine and all other possible constructs of gender in her extensive rainbow light essence.
The power of protection over my soul was shown to me. The ability she has to show you painful, difficult mirrors is quite impressive. The ability she bestows upon some of us, maybe more of us than we think, to erase that narrative, that story and dream of who we have been and who we can become, is an unparalleled power in the scheme of things.
As I lay in bed after several days of this mighty energy moving through me, I closed my eyes. In some ways, that old, poisonous, forced, male construct, which arose in a toxic, patriarchal manner, was being pushed out of my soul, cleansed from me. Though my eyes were closed, I saw, clearly, that many kinds of pain I had felt and had been lodged in me were swimming out of me in colored lights golden, silver, purple and just starlight.
As the pain swam out of me, the power, strength, beauty, love, wisdom, intelligence, discernment and compassion, that are all my birthrights began swimming into to me. I could hardly keep up with the transformations that I was being called to experience and know at that time. Faces of people who had hurt me, their names flowed back to me, because the course of my river flow, my oceanic depth was becoming so strong with Kundalini goddess manifestation, that I was able to absorb and transform within myself, that which seemed to have power over me, now, it held no power.
The experiences I just shared happened in 2012. Within the last 5 years, I have been learning to be more cautious, though still spontaneous, and accurate in my discernment of who to be around and who to stay away from. It has only been recently that I have been able to assess my experiences and put them into a framework that can be read and understood by other people. Until now, or around now, I have been stuck in some sort of liminal space, the space between visible and invisible.
As I become more decidedly visible and seen on purpose, but seen within a framework that I create, I notice what disappears from my view. That which begins to disappear from the view of the person who finds this kind of path, is of a vibrational arrangement that it is heavier with shadow, unexamined pain, distraction, fear and a whole host of other energetic arrangements. Love and light are intentions and goals to manifest within and to bring into the world's energetic maps, but without an integrated shadow, that love and light will be like wisps of fading daylight, into the all encompassing darkness of mystery. This level of love and light intentionality will inevitably fade into the unknown and the ancient types of powers that can be put to sleep, or awakened, depending on the skill level of the beings who wish to manipulate and use them, or extinguish them. When we begin extinguishing the shadow energy that we relied upon, either in this incarnation or another, we essentially give ourselves over to an integrated, holistic, visionary approach to being fully human, and to awakening.
I have been assisting folks in terminating energetic contracts with people, places, situations and more that keep them from fulfilling their purposes. Often they start finding out what those purposes really are and stop sabotaging themselves habitually. In our world, it is not generally an easy or instantly discovered path toward the wholeness we seek, the truth we seek and the answers about our existence we seek. The understanding that stagnation creates illness is the heart of almost all of the ailments we truly suffer from, and it is not a matter of fault or blame.
In our cells, there are stories and there are maps.
When we pause at the intersection of our current DNA knowledge and intuitive practices, we are linking up with possible new answers to problems that plagued our ancestors.
We need new stories. We need them to be breathed into our bloodstreams, and into the blood stream of the conscience, the psyche of our cultures. We need new stories so we do not pass on the psychic pain and oppression that perverted our human experiences and killed the visionaries, dreamers, wisdom teachers and more. We need stories to feed to the babies, and the children, so they grow into the better world that is possible, and so they grow up knowing they have the power to change
the most seemingly impossible parts of themselves.
The new stories will appear in our minds, we need only to get clear and quiet enough to hear them. Many stories will be birthed and manifested into this world. For this, I give continual thanks.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Time or location, Original piece from 2002
your wounds have no date, time, place or other label
they wear the cold garment of refusal to heal
and refusal to get worse
they are tender to the touch
as my growing panic stretches around today
and if it bursts
if it explodes
it will cease to be panic
soon it will be time to shapeshift
and rise from the ashes
like the fluttering phoenix of dreamtime
pulling on a reserve of patience and dignity
your strength has no name date time location or label
but it has purpose
haunted by past lifetime sins
scratching out verses and litanies
of bittersweet truth, as you hold my eyes open
and you lean on my eternal roots
the pressure intensifies until we collapse
and remake the reality
my art and the poetry of your strength
give me a thick rope to swing from
they wear the cold garment of refusal to heal
and refusal to get worse
they are tender to the touch
as my growing panic stretches around today
and if it bursts
if it explodes
it will cease to be panic
soon it will be time to shapeshift
and rise from the ashes
like the fluttering phoenix of dreamtime
pulling on a reserve of patience and dignity
your strength has no name date time location or label
but it has purpose
haunted by past lifetime sins
scratching out verses and litanies
of bittersweet truth, as you hold my eyes open
and you lean on my eternal roots
the pressure intensifies until we collapse
and remake the reality
my art and the poetry of your strength
give me a thick rope to swing from
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