Thursday, August 26, 2021

Cauldron

 from 2002--


something bubbled up in me

so so so close to the boiling point

it spilled all over

scalding permanent irreversible 

it has bubbled up, boiled over and is spreading

its scorching fingers

graze my surface, 

the contact instantly turning me to ashes to dust

better to be without

better to be within

better without him

better within me without him

whisper scream in silent dream

a ritual call and response

is the flutter of heart to lips 

and the necessary words spoken, bonds broken

while repair begins within

simply plain once again

better without him. 

\\\

Patience

from 2002-- 


When the situation grows too intense

my mind defers to my heart, I think

Oh no, don't start

Please do not allow this to become

 another hum drum

self inflicted drama.

I am not ready for it and I never will be

There is a difference between internal and external

conflict, and there is more than meets the eye

when it comes to that difference

because external produces internal

causes external 

spiraling all over the map

until you ask yourself which came first?

until you hear the clap

of thunder or your focus being pulled under

by details

like loud splashing raindrops on the sun roof 

like damn I have no proof

that when it is all over

I will have been right

or you were always wrong

what's the line from that song?

I always quote someone else

when my mind defers to my heart

because my mind was never able to recall\

the emotion we recorded

that night in bed, I must have hit my head

and your hands spun out of control

my frantic questions and fears were swallowed along with

unshed tears

collected painfully through the years

so then I am detached I suppose, unfastened

while you gently close 

my eyelids with the tips of your beautiful fingers

And I press my lips together thinking

Oh no don't start

while I consciously allow my mind to 

defer to my heart

perhaps it is better this way

I think I want you to stay. 

Hold up a mirror

 If I could, I would take this poem and lay it gently

over your eyes until your pain subsided

I would take sound and work it with my fingers like clay

until you could hear the breath and heartbeat of earth

I would shape light into healing

and spread it over your skin, let it seep into your bones

let it hold you in safety

so you could feel that you are filled with love

protected from all harm

I would hold up a mirror

that reflected the divinity within you

to give you an image of true self

unmasked, pure, sacred

we could walk in beauty

until mortal flesh became dust

and our bones were buried in silence

and the wind could carry our voices

through all the lands. 

Don't scatter the medicine

 from 2003--


I covet the dream of us 

guard it closely, intently

and who we shall pray with

is a select few

Don't scatter the medicine

like you would scatter the ashes of 

an unwanted memory

Be true, be free and 

as long as this is worthy

I shall covet our dream

cover it with my velvet night sky body

allow the glowing stars 

to guide our movement within

the bigger dream

the moon was watching

the trees saw it all

Friday, August 13, 2021

Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine Energies

 Most folks realize that men can have feminine energy and vice versa. Feminine energy is less dense, more celestial. Masculine energy is more earthy, animalistic. Feminine energy is quicker and brighter, like shooting stars. Masculine energy is clunkier, more tangible and deliberate. 

Feminine energy has purpose and intention of course, but it moves more quickly with softness and intensity intertwined. This is not about body parts, it is about energy. So, it should not be hard to understand why trans folks feel the way they do about gender identity. A trans person may feel more fem. or masculine or neither or both! From an energetic perspective it is not hard to see and relate!

All of us have a combination of gender energies. One is often predominant but not always. This assessment is just one opinion and I am open to other ideas of gender energy and presentation of each.

I have felt more feminine and other times more masculine, meaning, more action driven. But the feminine energy makes me more receptive, and able to hold space. It is hard to explain but it is worth trying to articulate. 

Divine feminine energy is associated with deep compassion, nurturing, receptivity, freedom to be authentic, comfort and peace, power from within, love, protection and more. 

Divine Masculine energy is associated with protection, taking action, directing energy toward a goal, peace and compassion, high frequency of love, honoring the truth of genuine expression and more. 

As you see, there are overlap between the two because the divinity holds certain powers and associations. Divinity itself has no gender. Many understand that God has no gender. Gender is experienced by people as a social construct. There are no right or wrong ways to express gender no matter who you are. It is my prayer that we awaken to this and put an end to discrimination and other damaging attitudes and actions against those who wish to be free to identify however they wish.

There are many more related issues I will not be getting into for this post but I may touch on them later on. Many cis-gendered women have problems with how to define women's only space because of trans presence in their midst. Without getting into it here, I will say that this can be worked out peacefully and respectfully to all who wish to find connection with like minded folks. We can be kind and create spaces for folks of all walks of life and ways of identifying. It just takes some awareness, compassion and commitment. 



Tuesday, June 1, 2021

A place for your soul to rest

Looking back, I did not know what it meant to be in possession of my own soul, for the longest time. So, we can start with a definition. What is a soul? There are so many answers clamoring to be seen, repeated, known and heard. The one I have landed on that seems to resonate is this: a soul is the light energy that enlivens and awakens our bodies and minds, connects us to imagination, memory, creativity and many more experiences. A soul is a part of you that travels to other dimensions of existence, has been with you generally through more than one lifetime as a human and can exist in forms outside of just human ones. 

When was it you first realized your material existence was limited, not bad, just limited? Have you realized this yet? If so, you may have begun your own way of searching. We have the phrase "soul searching" for a good reason. We are, so many of us, seekers of some kind. We seek out answers to mysteries that lead to more questions and lead us to construct theories, ideas, hopes, fears, desires, all related to the journey of our souls. But where and when, does our soul find a place to rest? Do we have to wait until death for that? Does it even happen then? Or, can we find ways of resting our souls while we are alive? 

Many of us are familiar with methods that lots of humans use to ensure their bodies are taken care of, and experiencing pleasure. That does not equate with soul rest.

We are mostly all aware of massage, saunas, steam rooms, even hot showers and baths, as tools for relaxation and rejuvenation. These are examples of places where our bodies rest, but they might not be the answers if you are looking for a more transcendent experience for your soul. 

The other question that comes up a whole lot is how do we differentiate between the human soul and the human spirit? I am not an expert but I do have a way of seeing these two parts of us. The spirit is the life force energy that connects us directly to the Creator, or the Universe, if you wish to call it that. The human spirit is the breath we have in our midst, the intake of breath in and out is a hallmark of our spirit. We have a mystical connotation with our Spirit. Some might say our individual spirits are holy and they communicate information to the rest of our consciousness through intuition and other mystical gifts. If any of this rings true for you, it is time to look into ways of restoring, healing, nurturing and resting our spirits as well as our souls. 

Some people use the words "spirit" and "soul" interchangeably. I do not see a problem with that. I tend to see the soul as an entity within us that can travel through space and time and carries a specific imprint of who we are at the deepest level, transcending lifetimes, but the spirit is an entity within us that lives as we live and dies only in the sense of leaving the body, but is always going to go back to the source of all life force energy. Spirit and Soul are connected and in some ways similar but as I understand them, they can be seen as separate entities we all use while participating in life. 

One simple experience that could bring a sense of rest to the soul is the simple act of building a small, contained fire and watching the flames. Earth, Air, Fire and Water are four elements that nourish and transform and illuminate our Souls. We learn from them in modern times and have over the span of human history. Spending time in natural spaces, whether it is a forest, a beach, a desert or a garden, can be restful to our souls. 

Finding a relationship where you feel at home, whether it is a friendship or romantic or even within your family, can be restful. This can be more challenging for some because we are not guaranteed to find people who feel like a place to rest. Anytime we do find this, it is an enormous blessing.  

Looking more deeply into what feels like rest for your soul, it appears that within your own being are keys to finding what you seek. Carving out time for yourself and dedicating time to that which interests and uplifts and awakens you is highly recommended. Get to know yourself on every level. This helps prepare you for partnership, for friendship and for your own unique journey.

Forgive yourself relentlessly. Build empathy for others. Awaken to the suffering and the joy. Get comfortable with sitting with suffering, sitting with the hard questions and still, remember to play. Remember to infuse humor into as many situations as you can. Some situations will be decidedly heavy, so sink into that heaviness. If you are dealing with addiction/s, be very gentle with yourself but get into recovery. Dive into recovery and remember this is all so very temporary. Nobody is promised another day. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Forgive others, but hold boundaries and respect yourself. 

All of these suggestions point toward a place to rest, and a way for your soul to settle in to your body and make a good home there for the time you live on earth. How we treat others and how we treat ourselves directly relates to the wellness or imbalance of our souls' journey in this plane of existence. The earth plane is full of lessons for those who are paying attention. Create intentions for healing, good health and happiness, and follow through with those intentions. 

The next insight I have to share is that the soul is a self healing mechanism. What I mean by this is to say the soul has the power to effectively facilitate your healing journey. No matter what traumas your body or mind have experienced, your soul is a multidimensional mechanism that can deeply help to heal any and everything within you needing healing. Before I go further in this explanation, I wish to address the issue of some folks not ever seeming able to heal themselves, some folks seem to be stuck in cycles of trauma, pain, discomfort, and seemingly endless problems. That is naturally going to occur. What it generally means is they have not been able to, for whatever reason, tap into the souls' natural healing capacity or they can only tap in superficially but are unable to go all the way with what the soul is really able to do for the overall well being of the human that is involved. 

When a person is able to tap into the soul's healing abilities, which can happen in many different ways, waves of healing will wash over them. It does not feel the same for each individual. What feels like waves of healing for some, may feel like jolts of energy, bursts of energy. There was one experience I had with soul healing wherein I felt and saw all this sparkly energy coming back to my body. My eyes were closed so I saw this with my minds eye.

There are a number of ways you can call up this self healing ability. Sometimes, it truly happens without being beckoned, it simply arrives within you. I have experienced that as well. The best action to take to call this energy and power into your life is to take deeply excellent care of yourself. I am not talking about superficial methods of self care, I mean to truly give yourself what you need on the deepest level. That can look all kinds of ways. Consistently though, it looks like self love, self affirmation and cultivation of self compassion.

You may need to send versions of your past self lots of compassion! You may need to let go of certain relationships. You may need to learn body acceptance before you can learn to love yourself fully and entirely. Take baby steps if you need to. Take your time and continue to affirm at each point that this journey is a homecoming. If you create the conditions for your soul to be welcomed home to rest inside you and fill you with compassionate energy, all of this is more likely to happen. But, as I have said, sometimes soul healing is spontaneous and comes to you whether you have summoned it or not. That is the nature of the power of your soul. I speak from experience. I know that if my soul has done these things that other folks can have similar experiences.  

 


Sunday, April 18, 2021

Personal mission statement

 I have always wanted to be and will always be a peacemaker. 

I will not weaponize my thoughts, speech or actions against anyone.

I will defend myself if attacked, but most often I will de-escalate any

situation that involves aggression or violence of any kind. 

If I ever fall short of this, I will renew it as a contract in the 

new and coming moments. I will avoid fighting and will 

employ peace, reason, compassion and forgiveness as my tools. 

I will bless those who consider themselves enemies of me

and hold space for their transformations.