not holy until we die

today I realized
white sand gleaming
I realized
red hills glowing
I realized
moon entered new phase
I knew
this would pass
I knew
you would forget
I whispered and screamed and
you forgot
you let it slip your mind
you were so unkind
you whose eyes I worship
you whose body I drenched in affection
I knelt before you in such adoration
I let you feel me in my open raw state
I let you
feel
me
I realized then
that stars are dying
I realized that
people are dying
that we are not important
we are not holy
until we die
I realized that this method to your madness
this madness in the method would lead me astray
I sat
in front of the altar and realized and
knew that
I would never know
never know what to do
and accepting that
became the answer