Not in charge

Tonight I move away
from what has become
too much
content
too many sentences
paragraphs
intent to be related to

I move away because
at this time I do not relate
one of these spells of time
wherein I have gathered
all unnecessary pieces
some are enormous
and thrown them into the abyss
some seemed to be precious
so I may have tenderly placed them
on the conveyor belt heading out
to the great place of transformation
and ask will I ever
successfully shapeshift into
the type of being that balances layers of
internal complicating and conflicting worlds
yet still is able to walk in the world of humans
jumping after the dangling carrots of normalcy
normal lives, normal relationships
and many do say that this bizarre notion
will die someday
the snow globe shaken up in your hand,
telling winter that:
"I can imitate your magic
so poorly and still
I am a delight to the eyes
of the consumer"

I step away from consuming
I move away into unfettered silence
the only movement going now
is a recording of water
since I
am thirsty for the real thing
the real vulnerable aching river flow
the ocean with unmasked salty glow
throwing wave after wave
in the direction of the abyss

we make mandalas to pay homage to
what nature does so organically, so easily
as we are taking snapshots of sunsets and sunrises,
congratulating ourselves for noticing them,
nature knows no fear in these cycles of
beauty created and destroyed
horrors to us because of how moronically dependent
we have become on nature not acting out
in order to protect us.

This hit me years ago,
the indifference
within the creating of the storms and fires and all that she has
in her arsenal
can shift to love as one of the
Great Mother's many vibratory realities,
she will reflect it back to us
in the alchemy of our relation to and reverence for her
being at peace with the death and destruction necessary to her
artistic process.
we are not in charge,
foolish to ever think we were.