"Toy people make their way through today, unhurried by Time"

Note:
Here is my attempt to archive some of the writing I did in 1996, I was 15 and then 16 that year. I include some of these pieces because if they resonate with a young person or if you are older and they strike a chord, or if you want to share them with anyone for any reason, I will be grateful for that.

made such a mess of this

(dedicated to the muse)

I feel way too exposed, an open blossom
raw and vulnerable
so frantically young
the smoke went through my eyes
impairing vision, judgment
unlawfully allowed by me
entered through my skin
in the veins
takes hold of my bloodstream

I am now writing my cause of death
my autopsy performed while alive
secretly
but you wouldn't know it
it is in my body
more than that it is in all that I am
I become the words I am writing
ink to paper I am born once more
living through the motions
it takes, whatever it takes
so I wonder about the force from
this empty source
but what does any of this matter to you?
If you turn away, I could disappear forever
what if  I already have?

I want to try somehow
a puzzle piece into the wrong space
I fit so snug and out of place
still I am one who can mold the solid,
make shapes from thin air
move the immoveable
and your eyes spread their seething disapproval
I inch closer
to away from you
we are from different worlds
I grow more certain
the final curtain
will fall
before we go any further
all seems a bit forced, I could say
but it might hurt, so I won't
you could leave now, you would
but you don't
Intermission has lasted far too long
we are getting restless
I know I have made such a mess of this


Decision Weather

(dedicated to Maja and Morgan)

she lights upon edges, anywhere high up
with a dove's beauty in her movements
stealing hearts for food
scavenger ravishing mad
scared
it is raining
when she forgets to murder her father
she haunts doorways, anywhere cold
cloud hanging above her head
storms incessant
never dry, always high
straw hands
bend to break
fingers like ice
she melts and disappears
filling cracks swimming
up to the surface again

did you know?

I am without you
on this shallow night swirling
inside a clear plastic bubble
and did you know
we are food for those higher up?
the entertainment value of our lives is priceless
our confusion is candy for the gods.
they sit in their clouds, laughing into the waves
gold eyes shining

my skull hurts
aching for nothing more
than a free moment
on a pure planet
wholes in the unbreakable patterns
the huge sickness
wants to infest my bloodstream
my lifeline has a bad connection
did you know
this is what the children are inheriting?

I am without you on this shallow night
swirling in a clear plastic bubble