from 2010

dreams intangibly tied to you
undeserving and alluring
treasure the moments i seek you
as much as those when I have you
 I never seem to have you
oh, strangled feelings and derelict conflict within
this channel tunes everything else out
this focus takes great effort
be willing
to forgive my transgressions
when our eyes meet
will you forget those mistakes
so we sink into uncharted bliss
knowing we are renewed
refreshed by this gazing
lonely hands if you stop haunting me
i will cease to exist
cessation of desire becomes cessation of this existence
as we know it

she keeps moving

desperate for love, she clings to every person who pays her a little attention. she fingers the trigger of self destruction thoughtfully, engaged in so many kinds of existential crisis moments she cannot even track them. nothing can console her at times, at other times nobody can reach the heights of ectasy she reaches. they will tell her this is an illness, and they will drug her, but nothing really changes, she just learns how to hide, how to mask.

once she has learned how to mask, she ventures out into the world new again, facing the people all around with a new sense of purpose. they will not see through her, into her, she will not be transparent. she will have walls, boundaries. this will protect her. she needs protection because all that she has learned has taught her she cannot operate in a way that feels natural to her without putting herself at great risk.

dust

i will be dust
i will be rain
i will be the beginning and the end of the
sweetest pain
teaching you gratitude
for lessons learned at the
most horrific times
and if there is no lesson discernible
i will be the comfort that comes to take
the rest of the suffering away
i will be the patience you cultivate
and will grant you relief from
the long stretches of waiting
because without me
you would go so far inward that nobody could reach you
and i will be clarity
so that you have something to cling to that will do you no harm
will only assist you on treacherous paths
that you must walk because you chose them before you even arrived in
a body that you would have possession of only for some 90 years if you are lucky
i will be dust
i will be rain
i will be there to hear you complain
of every ache, every betrayal
i will never fail

just a thought

as an artist, your main job, your only really important job, is to produce your art, get the message across, create the works to be seen and taken in and felt by an audience.

what they do with this new information you have given them, this new window, this new way to see or feel or know, that is not really your concern. All you need to do is get it out of you and across via your medium or mediums. the rest is up to the universe and those participating in the experience.

reason to hope

many of us are desperate to find someone who will look past our faults, see our strengths and uplift us. many of us are exhausted by the search, so much so that we have given up. when we have all but given up, a person may appear in your path who stands out, who gives you reason to hope. that person may not be exactly how you thought they might appear but they bring with them an energy and strength of character you had been missing and you did not know how much you had been missing it until they revealed they possessed it.

pieces from before and from now

2013

shadow dusk fragment
i am no longer tethered to you
in that way
that i was
so i feel the energy flow
back to me
release you and i am free
no tears were shed
it was not from you i was truly fed
now i seek wholeness
the kind you would not even recognize
in these eyes

1995

I know you want to love
it is written all over your hopeful grin
your lips have searched out answers on mine
to questions already beginning to form
in your mind
if only i could dissolve the fear to trust
if i could close the distance
and find the answers you seek
we could share power
your eyes will meet mine now
but only with wariness
through a guarded gaze
a poorly designed maze
in your voice,
hesitance, transparently timid
the tone is short, conclusive
lined with regret
i have circled your cages of fear

i felt my way here to you
my eyes decoding yours
they said
i could love again
but not you
and not now

because I know too much, you fear me.

2013

roaming the earth for that one fix
moments that might liberate your consciousness
are locked away from you
silently being revealed in unexpected ways
so you pay attention
a little more