my hand

I calculate the risk, deciding to

reach out my hand 

from where I stand to where you stand

So far all I feel is the wind

in the place where you may have been

at one time you may have been

ready

open

willing

but the days weeks months and years change us

the tears and laughter leave residue where we walked

I want to retrace my steps

and examine each memory as if it still had breath

but no, all I feel is the wind

now and stretching out into the coming days

the rain will join the wind

howling like love was truly lost

howling like a thousand Novembers.

so, I am shivering in this place

not exactly home but still so familiar

the side of that hill 

the bench with the stories

I walk with your image heavy in my head and hands

a shadow projection of what was

shivering and howling with where we are now

my hand reaching out 

from where I stand to where you stand

and you leave me there

with the swirling storm 

in the whispering and screeching skies. 

too much

blood and bones

rivers and stones

eventually it is all ripped from me

Or maybe we will be sifting through 

and dissolving

back to the elements

earth and air

fire and water

we cannot grasp mystery 

too much like sand between your toes

and fingers

too much like water running over your 

wrists and palms

too much like breezes high up

in the tall trees

feeling the weather in my knees

too much like crystals glinting in 

moonlight

too much like dreaming

with all my might

no rhythm, no patterns 

except for the shadows of leaves on 

dusty ground

too much like I love you

more than words can express

felt it all before the world's collapse

in on itself and 

starting over 

like mystery

too much like 

mystery