Not in charge

Tonight I move away
from what has become
too much
content
too many sentences
paragraphs
intent to be related to

I move away because
at this time I do not relate
one of these spells of time
wherein I have gathered
all unnecessary pieces
some are enormous
and thrown them into the abyss
some seemed to be precious
so I may have tenderly placed them
on the conveyor belt heading out
to the great place of transformation
and ask will I ever
successfully shapeshift into
the type of being that balances layers of
internal complicating and conflicting worlds
yet still is able to walk in the world of humans
jumping after the dangling carrots of normalcy
normal lives, normal relationships
and many do say that this bizarre notion
will die someday
the snow globe shaken up in your hand,
telling winter that:
"I can imitate your magic
so poorly and still
I am a delight to the eyes
of the consumer"

I step away from consuming
I move away into unfettered silence
the only movement going now
is a recording of water
since I
am thirsty for the real thing
the real vulnerable aching river flow
the ocean with unmasked salty glow
throwing wave after wave
in the direction of the abyss

we make mandalas to pay homage to
what nature does so organically, so easily
as we are taking snapshots of sunsets and sunrises,
congratulating ourselves for noticing them,
nature knows no fear in these cycles of
beauty created and destroyed
horrors to us because of how moronically dependent
we have become on nature not acting out
in order to protect us.

This hit me years ago,
the indifference
within the creating of the storms and fires and all that she has
in her arsenal
can shift to love as one of the
Great Mother's many vibratory realities,
she will reflect it back to us
in the alchemy of our relation to and reverence for her
being at peace with the death and destruction necessary to her
artistic process.
we are not in charge,
foolish to ever think we were.

we will land

patience pours from the stillness
of your activities

in the gaze of yours with that
special blend of what you covet
what you share
what you don't know you are sharing
I never met a person more caring

in the fights
in the throws of passion
in where I am
and where I am asking
in the mystical
and so very precious knowing of you
feeling of you
all the way from skin and flesh
and muscle and bones
to the psychic clairaudient constant telephones
I find myself answering
and hanging up and pushing all that

morbid beautiful information from dreams
from the back of our conversations and silences
inside and through out those private places we shared
wrapped around each other like phone cords intertwined
all at once neutral
all at once furious
with the state of the world
we railed against

inside the decision to bring the knife to the
throat of each possibility and
turn back

in that never using force to get what we want

giving into

the oblique nature of our first tender interactions
the way you got in
without the use of force and
how confused and happy and scared that left me
you never left me
so far
you have never
employed the use of force and this
leaves us spinning spiraling up

falling in patterns invisible to most eyes
creating indifference within the hearts and minds of
those who find it necessary to push back, push into
a life of severance

while I lay more ground work for reverence

we fall and then more so float with the pressure of the subtle wind
just a whisper of a breeze, redefining strength to include

us as leaves free falling
trusting we will land
where we are magnetized to be
vibrating this peace so effortlessly

Relating to this, maybe some of you do too!

1. "The Empowered Feminine is not the Woman who has finally, painstakingly fixed her flaws.
   She is the Woman who has stopped apologising for them.
2. The Empowered Fem...inine is not the Woman who has conquered fear.
   She is the Woman who knows well there is no courage without fear.
3. The Empowered Feminine is not the Woman who has it all figured out.
   She is the Woman who steps in to uncertainty and dances with the Mystery.
4. The Empowered Feminine is not the Woman who has never fallen or failed.
   She is the Woman with scars on her hands and knees, some of which may still be bleeding.
5. The Empowered Feminine is not the Woman who never cries.
   She is the Woman who dares to feel vulnerably and care deeply.
6. The Empowered Feminine is not in competition with other Women.
   She is a diamond in a sky full of stars.
7. The Empowered Feminine is not the Woman playing the blame game.
   She is the one whose divine assignment is the solution.
8. The Empowered Feminine is not the Woman waiting for the approval of others.
   She gives her own permission.
9. She has heard the call.
   And she’s not waiting any more."